Three things.. .. ..

Three things I want.. .. ..

• Inner stregnth to carry me through,
• Confidence to know I am a good person,
• Trust in myself and others.

Three things I do NOT want.. .. ..

• To live in the past and the mistakes of myself and others,
• Self-doubt, wondering if I am good enough,
• Mistrust of others and myself.

It sounds so easy, really, to stick with the things I want and veer from the things I do not want. But sometimes we have change in our life that rocks us to the core and challenges what we were fundamentally. We no longer have confidence in our own decision-making abilities, we doubt our self-worth, we forget to trust our instincts and trust others around us.

Rebuilding those things takes time. I am not a patient person, so I am finding out. It's been less than 3 months since my life fundamentally changed and yet I beat myself up for not being "past it" and not being stronger. I asked my best friend why I cannot just move on, why I could not just shut down like others have.

She, being the wonderful friend she is, reminded me that I have a heart full of love that I cannot just shut off. She reminds me that I have stregnth beyond measure and I just have to trust myself. It's funny, I know these things, yet it makes so much more sense and renews confidence hearing it from others.

SO, this post is purely rambling. I am not sure it even makes sense to me. BUT I think the moral is you cannot be better overnight. Even if you have a ton of GREAT days, you will have not-so-great days too. You cannot rush healing, or you may miss some very important lessons along the way. I think the first thing I want to master is trusting myself to roll through the valleys and mountains and open myself to learn what I need to learn. And I will know when I've hit the final peak and the rolling road behind me will be all worth it.. .. ..