Thursday, August 20, 2009

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Isn't that the battle we all fight? Life can be so confusing sometimes. And you're not sure what to do; what's best for you, your family, your sanity! I have really tried to make a concerted effort to fully think through my decisions to try and avoid the position of wondering if what I'm doing is the right thing or not. But what do you do when it's not YOU having this issue, but the people around you? Do you stand by and wait to see what they do or do you decide that you must move forward and they can either ante up and come along or be left behind? I guess it really all comes down to what's right for YOU. For me, standing still or moving backwards isn't an option. So I move forward. And as unfortunate as it is, some people might be left behind because of that. Some people say I've become too hardened, too resistant to flexibility and change. I personally think I'm just not going to do it anymore. Not going to compromise myself or modify what I want or need, or damn it deserve, to accommodate others. Really, should a person have to? Hmmm, so much to ponder, so much to weigh...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The 10% Pendulum

We had an interesting talk at lunch yesterday that I am still contemplating and mulling over. It was called the 10% Pendulum... So here's the theory:

We all have a 10% Pendulum in our personality. The "other" 10%. You know, the 10% most people will never know or see in you.... The stuff like ... freaky, weird habits, dark thoughts. You know the stuff that others would think "what the hell" if they knew about you. So the question we all posed was, does everyone have that 10% pendulum?? Does everyone have their dirty secrets? That one (or more) thing they wouldn't want others to know or maybe only share with a few?

I think ABSOFREAKINLUTELY. AND now that we talked about it I am cracking myself up. I look at others and think "What's their 10% pendulum swing??" I KNOW that others would be shocked to know my little secrets. I so do not look like "that person" or act like it. So now I wonder what other people carry inside.

Oh and the point was made that those who let it become the 90% rather than the 10% are our freaks and serial-killers of society. Hmmm, are we really that closely on the edge of being on the wrong side of social acceptability??

Okay, so I know this is weird ramblings. But really think about it. Think about YOUR 10%. About those around you. If nothing else, you'll get a laugh at what you make up about them!! = )


Okay, so no goals yet. But soccer practice was a blast. Logan really loves it and was mad when practice was over. He is a left-footer just like his momma! He has great ball control and really enjoys it. AND I got asked to help coach. Oh boy, this will be fun. Back at it tomorrow night.

His attitude was also a little better last night too. He worked on his homework better and finally remembered how to say "yes m'am" and please & thank you again. PROGRESS!!! So we'll see how the rest of the week goes.... Prayers welcome. xoxo

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

What a night.

Last night wasn't fun at all. Yesterday morning I woke up with a killer back ache, which I recognized immediately. Yep, a good ol' kidney infection. Sucks having only one good kidney. So off to the doctor I went ... confirmed and antibiotics prescribed. Today it's killing me and I need to send a report for the boss, but he's not in yet, and I'm not sure I can make it much longer. The report may need to wait until tomorrow, I think my bed is calling me...

Logan was a poop last night too. We went to get his soccer gear and he kept walking off. I don't know where he got the idea that he's the boss and in charge, but he's about to get knocked down a few pegs... and soon. When we got home I tried to get him to do him homework, which he fought me on. I finally just sent him to bed. Between the migraine that had developed, the kidney pain that makes it hurt to breath, and his attitude I was done. Apparently he was too, as he was asleep in less than 5 minutes. I just keep praying for peace and patience ... hopefully soon that will come.

My heart is so heavy today too. So much turmoil and uncertainty.

I really think it's just time to go home, take a pill (or two), and go back to sleep for a bit ... oh and the serial-killer-hunting-me-nightmares didn't help either.. .. .. **long sigh**

Monday, August 17, 2009

First "good" Monday in awhile....

Normally I dread Monday's. Not that I don't like work, I really do. I think it's just that life gets so routine and mundane. And I get restless and just want each week to be over and done with. So it was with great surprise that I woke up this morning and smiled. Happy that another week was starting and wondering what excitement this week would bring.

I am sure that has a lot to do with having a great weekend too. Friday after softball I went on a date, of sorts. We went out to a favorite hang out and had a few drinks, played around, and did a lot of laughing and smiling. It was such a low-key, relaxed, fun time. Much needed!! Saturday was a full day. That morning we had an American Cancer Society pancake breakfast to go to. Then Logan and I went with my friend to a birthday party. It was such a great time. I was nervous; meeting new people still puts me a little on edge, however I ended up being very much at ease and having a great time. Logan had a GREAT time with all the kids!! I was appreciative of that. With Jonah being gone I like to have him around other kids as much as possible... Yesterday was a perfect day. Soccer was great, though we had no subs, so it was also quite the workout. Then we took Logan swimming and headed home for a quiet night of XBox and snuggling. Overall it was just a perfect weekend.. .. ..

This week will be busy but much fun. Tonight we have to get Logan's soccer gear and tomorrow (and Thursday) are his practice nights. I must say, I am so excited to see him out there playing soccer!! I think he'll enjoy it a lot. Friday is softball, last regular game of the season. Then Saturday is opening day for Logan's soccer, and Sunday is another game for me. Things are definitely going to stay busy, but I love it. Life is too short to not enjoy it!!! xoxo

Friday, August 14, 2009

Wow, gooserbumps....

... Just when I start questioning myself. Hoping I am making the right decision, hoping following my heart won't be a big mistake again...

Jennifer got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...

... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging. That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish.

TGI School Time!

My baby is back home!! I missed both my kids sooo much. So so much. It is still hurting a lot that Jo isn't home and I miss him something awful. I talked to him Tuesday and he seems to be adjusting well. It was his second day of JR HIGH. He said he had met some people and was making friends. He's getting used to changing classes and dressing out for PE, which I think was the biggest shock for him. He was pretty held-together when he talked to me, but talking to Logan sent him over the edge and he cried a little. They are best friends, so they are both missing each other a lot. I am hoping it gets easier over time. I know that I have my good moments and bad. As long as Jo is happy, growing, and finding whatever he's looking for then I am happy for and supportive of him.

Now Logan ... Logan is being a pill!! A complete little butt. It's going to be a task to get him back in-line and behaving again. He thinks it's cute to talk back, whine, and throw a fit. So he has been spending a lot of time on time out in bed. It kills me because I just want to spend time with him; we have to get his attitude under control first though. He is very much the "give an inch, I'll take a mile" type personality, so I have to be vigilant to stop it before it gets to bad. I am sure he'll adjust back soon, just a challenge so far.

He does LOVE Kindergarten though and was excited to start and go back today. He says he likes his teacher. I asked what he learned yesterday and he said, "You know, letters, songs, and how to play on the playground... stuff like that." =) He is adorable. This after rolling his eyes that morning at the mom and girl crying good-byes. Mr. Independent!! I am waiting to see how the next few weeks go, but he seems to love it and be adjusting well so far.

This summer was full of traveling and changes for me. I thoroughly enjoyed all my visits. Ohio, Phoenix, and Los Angeles were a blast. Seeing old friends, developing stronger relationships with new friends ... such good times. Three tattoo's later, many memories, and many smiles brought me back home. And, yes, a roller coaster of emotions, relationships, and internal drama. Before I get called out on why I haven't posted in a month!! =)

I also got to see my surrobaby girl while I was in LA. Since I haven't seen the triplets since they were 5 days old it was completely surreal to see her! She is 8 months old, crawling, smiling, cooing, and 'talking'. I got to hold her, snuggle her, and experience her in her own family and life. I was so proud to have helped create her and so blessed to see her interacting with her family, who love her so immensely. What a wonderful experience it was to see a child you carried with such love growing into such an amazing child!! I will always be appreciative to M&J for allowing me to remain part of their family!!

So the summer is at a close now. And it's time for life to settle back down. Which I am quite appreciative for. I am so happy to have my little man home and look forward to seeing him grow and learn this year in his FIRST year of school. Work is going well and I still love going to work every day. I am playing softball and soccer and Logan is starting soccer next week!! Someone I care VERY deeply for from my past has resurfaced and we are building a strong friendship with the foundation for possibly a great relationship. So life is good. And I am happy and at peace.. .. ..

What else could a girl ask for?? xoxoxo