Saturday, May 30, 2009

One sheep... two sheep... Not working, just blog...

Insomnia is still lingering (obviously, it's 1:15 a.m.) and that's driving me a little whack. Especially when I have a lot going on this weekend. We have t-ball at 9:00 a.m., the b-day party at 11:00, I need to straighten the house, and I have a date at 6:00. Sunday we are going to watch softball and head back to play in the park with Erica. So I need my sleep. And it's just not happening!! LOL

It was quite a week. In some ways it flew by, in some ways I thought it would never be over. Short work weeks are always a pain. Too much to do and not enough time. Today was a GREAT Friday though.

I got a lot accomplished at work for one. And when the boss needed a report he was stressed on I was on it and was able to extinguish the fire. So I actually had to work on a Friday (there oughtta be a law) but it was good!!

My softball game tonight was AWESOME. I played first, which I haven't done in awhile. I got a few good plays, made some good catches, and just LOVED being back there. I forgot how much I enjoy first base. Took me back to my days of fast-pitch... oh the memories. And my batting was "on" tonight so I had good hits. Winning was just the cherry on the sundae!

Afterwards a group of us went out to pizza. The kids ran around and played games and the grown-ups got to hang out and chat. I love the people I play ball with so it was an added bonus to have extra hang-out time with them.

About my date, before I get asked. Because I know I will be! LOL. I am so jazzed. I *think* I mentioned him earlier, too tired to go look. He messaged me Thursday with some small talk, then solidified the plans for Saturday (oh hell, tonight!!). It was so direct and ... I loved it. Just a simple, "Can I take you out to dinner Saturday?". He's picking me up at 6:00 and we'll go to dinner and who knows.... It's so exciting to go on a *date*. It's been fun talking to him and getting to know him too. We have found we have a lot in common. Oh and you know me and signs ... really weird one HE noticed ... our phone #'s have the same last 4 digits. So random and bizarre, right?? Anyways, I am pretty confident we'll enjoy each others company ... so far I have at least enjoyed his. Can't speak for him. LOL. We will see.. .. ..

Okay, going to go lay down and try again for sleep. I can't look dog-butt tired tomorrow night (agh, tonight!!) and yawn all evening. How horrible would that be??!! .. .. ..

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Holy Heat

It was sooo hot tonight. It wouldn't have been bad if we'd been able to stay home and enjoy the AC. Nope, it was tball night. My shirt was soaked in sweat. Ew. And I so wanted to ditch (I know, so wrong of me), but there is only two weeks left AND it was our snack night. So we went and suffered through the heat. The poor kids were beat....

My friend, whose son plays with Logan, is getting her boobs done tomorrow. One one hand I'm jealous (mine have deflated SO much with the weight loss) and on the other I don't miss the backache. Her husband is super cool and we were talking about how he'd rather have a boat with the money ... I tended to agree. Haha. Plus, I figure the more he and I get along the less likely he is to give me a ticket (love the CHP). And the more likely he is to refer a friend. Hehe, scandalous I know.. .. ..

I am so happy tomorrow is Thursday. This week needs to be DONE. I am ready for the weekend and some R&R (yea right). OH CYN (b/c I know you faithfully read) ... Sunday we have no plans... Is C playing in Stockton on Sunday?? I want to come up and watch! And visit with you!! I miss seeing you!!

I am eagerly waiting for a call/text to confirm IF I have a date this weekend or not. I prefer to stay skeptical and be proved wrong (hopefully).

I did get a great compliment today. My "special friend" M (you know, the guy who disappeared on me ... yea, we're friends now) told me that I was very sexy and beautiful and a great catch. So I told him to find someone who wants all that and have them catch me!! ROFL. I know, I know, all in the right time....

OH and I need to brag!! Jonah is going to participate in a GATE summer school program before leaving this summer!! He was invited based on his testing scores!! I am so proud of him. I hope that when he moves they'll be able to challenge him there. I am sure they will, just worried. Having no control or input really irks me. Just have to hope Zach and Brandy will make sure it happens....

Okay, off to try and fall asleep again. NO idea where this insomnia is coming from but it sure needs to find its way GONE!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Oh to know then what we know now.

My temper tantrum of my younger years is catching up to me. So... Jo is leaving in just a few weeks and Dad and I are figuring out all the logistics. One of which is medical insurance for Jo. Well in order for Z to add him to their insurance he needs a copy of the birth certificate, showing he's his dad. Oh, you know, the birth certificate that says "Father: Not Named". Nice. I didn't have him put on the birth certificate because I was 18 and pizzed off at him. So now the fun begins to change that. I went through THREE different departments, still with no answers to speak of. I *think* we have to go to court and have a judge order the change to the B.C. What a pain in the rump. Guess it's one of those great decisions of days ago back to bite my arse. UGH.

On a good note, I have a date this weekend. A real cutie from a store I frequent. He asked me out, and I am super jazzed about an upcoming DATE. = )

Oh and then I remember that tomorrow is T-Ball and guess who's snack night?? Yep, off to the store after work. So snack packs tonight (and pie), t-ball tomorrow, softball Friday, Presley's birthday Saturday, park with Erica at some point, my date ... and another week and weekend flying by!!

Calgon, take me away!!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Loooong (but awesome) weekend!

So my weekend started early on Thursday afternoon! Whoohoo!

Thursday night was the Fleetwood Mac concert. One word - AMAZING. It was a dream come true to see them live in concert. The show was so great. They played all the classics and some of their newer music. To see them together was priceless. Mary and I had such a great time, dancing and singing and having a ball!!

Friday we headed home and took the scenic route. We went by Casa de Fruta and I got some lovely fresh veggies and fruits. (oh the cherries! yum, going to bake a pie in a few!!). After getting home the boys and I just chilled around and hung out. Very low-key nice evening.

Saturday Logan and I went to a play date with Mary, her granddaughter Tatum (Logan's girlfriend), and Mary's niece and nephew. Our day was full with going to the park, swimming, and playing. That night we had a few friends over to watch the UFC fight... fun fun!! Jonah had an awesome day too! HE got to go with Uncle Richard and his cousins to the lake! They swam, roasted marshmallows, and fished. He was so excited and had such a good time.

Sunday both boys went to Uncle Richard's to spend the day with their cousins. I got to go to Sac to visit with two Jr. High friends, Kyla - who I went to Vegas with, and Rhea who I hadn't seen in YEARS!! It was a great lunch and visit. Rhea just moved back to San Jose so we'll get to spend more time together!! YEA!

Today the boys and grandma and I went to see Night at the Museum 2. It was a cute movie. It's always fun taking Logan to the movies. He's so animated and funny! They had a good time. Since then we've just been hanging out at home. We're headed to grandma's soon for dinner and visiting. Then, ugg, back to work tomorrow.

I swear, sometimes I need a weekend to recover from the weekend!! Okay, off to bake (attempt to) a pie!!!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

One Last Thought (I hate insomnia.. .. .. )

I will say this. Regardless if I'm crazy or not for forgiving F, I am a better person for being with him ... for being with all the people I have talked to/dated. Each person has helped me learn a little more about me. Helped raise my awareness of who I am, what I want, and what I will and won't put up with. I am so much more independent than a year ago. I would have been CRUSHED (hell, I was) a year ago. I wouldn't have known how to go ahead *alone*. I am not afraid of being alone anymore. I am confident and comfortable with myself. Do I *want* to be alone?? No. But I am not a lesser person because I am. If nothing else I am proud that I don't need anyone else to be happy. Like my ex... will never be alone. Can't be. Doesn't know how to be. So bounce from relationship to relationship, having to prove love and stake claim to make sure there won't be any alone time. I'll tell you, spending this past year alone most of that time and really having to reflect has helped me grow so much. Though there have been times I just wanted to ball up and cry, I am a stronger person today for it. And I think that will make me more desirable and give me a healthier, happier relationship down the road. I have no need to force any relationship or hold on so tight. Because with or without someone else I will be ... and am ... okay. I think THAT'S why I am okay with what happened. I will not be broken or derailed. It's a bump in the road, and I pull myself up and dust myself off. I feel fortunate for that!! It's another test I have faced and passed.. .. ..

Oh one last thing tonight!!


Fleetwood Mac here we come!!

Vote please.

So I am asking all my friends here to chime in on this for me. Leave me a comment and let me know what YOU think.. .. ..

SO I finally talked to F. Turns out, in his words, he is an ass. He was with me and his ex. He *says* he was back with her because he hated seeing her hurt. Yet he still picked fights to see me because he loves me and wanted to be with me... Long story short, we had a great talk, we are NOT together, but we are still friends and will be there for each other as support.. .. ..

So here is the way I look at things and feel about the situation.. .. ..

He made a bad decision. Doesn't make him a bad man. He has a lot of growing and maturing to do. For the last five years she's enabled him to be nothing and do nothing. His dad and I agree it's because as long as he lived like that he wouldn't leave her and that was her fear. He is insecure and has no faith in himself. He doesn't believe he's "worth it" or will succeed. That stems from ... a lot. However, I got to know him, the real him. He has a heart of gold and so much good in him. He can be a great man and make and reach goals. He just has to believe in himself and want to be that man. I know I can't make him do that or see that, but I do feel like I can be his friend and encourage him, which he doesn't get anywhere else, from anyone else. How good of a person would I be if I just turned my back on him and gave up on him, like everyone else has? So I chose to make myself available as his friend and offer my support to him.

Sooo, *I* think that it shows how much I have changed in the last year. Before I would have wanted to castrate him and send him international (that's my UPS drivers solution). But I don't feel any animosity at all. I forgave him before he asked for it. I feel compassion for him. I want us to be friends and I want to support him.

My friends say I'm much too good for him to have as a friend and that I shouldn't give him a second thought in any capacity. They say I'm much too nice and that I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. (though I don't see how... can't be more disappointed than I was....)

So, anyways, jury is out.. .. .. am I compassionate or stupid??!!

Happy Birthday!!

Today marks two years since the triplets were born!!! It's still surreal to me that I carried three little babies into this world all at once. Carrying triplets was one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences. I will forever appreciate the love and support of my ex, my kids, and my friends through a trying yet amazing time. Though I don't hear from their family anymore I will forever hold them all close to my heart and be appreciative of the journey we had. Happy birthday D, P, and S!!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Lazy Weekend and More Confussion

This weekend I did my best to do very little. Friday night was busy. I played ball then helped friends move. Saturday was more help with moving, after t-ball. Logan is now hitting the ball WITHOUT the T most of the time!! So exciting. It was so flippin' hot I felt like I would wilt though. UGH. Sunday was my wilt day. I laid on the couch 90% of the day!! I did get some laundry done and cleaned up a bit around the house, but for the most part I just vegged. I took a nap which was more than needed and I just allowed myself to sulk and rest all day.

Today is the start of a new week and it started with more dizzying questions and information. One of F's good friends called me asking "What the hell is going on??" Apparently F's ex called him yesterday screaming at him for ??being my friend??.. .. .. He said he had no idea any of this supposed stuff was going on and confirmed she was lying at least about part of it. No one has heard from F, so until then there's just more questions.

Even though I know she's a whack and lying about some of it I still don't feel okay with the situation. It's much more drama than I want or need. But it would be nice to hear him out.. .. .. If I hear from him.

Anyways, I am looking forward to this week. It's going to be ubber busy though. Tonight is t-ball, tomorrow cleaning, Wednesday a little gtg, Thursday is the Fleetwood Mac concert (whoooohooooo), and then back to the weekend. I am thinking about going to LA for the weekend, but still not sure. I'm so tired, we'll see how I feel at the end of the week. I might just want to hide out again. LOL. We'll see how the week goes.. .. ..

Friday, May 15, 2009

Better Today

I think the initial shock of it all has worn off. I am still a little perplexed but not as angry or sad or whatever. I swept through the emotions pretty quickly I think so I wonder if they'll ebb back up on me again soon or not.

The only think I hope for is an apology or some sort of explanation. I think I deserve at least that. Whether I will get it or not ... who knows.

I do feel awful sad today for F and his family. Last night was the viewing, today is the funeral, and tomorrow they spread her ashes. I cannot imagine the pain and grief they are experiencing.

I am quite angry his ex - or current - or whatever - girlfriend would confront him with all this crap while he is there dealing with this. I think it definitely shows her selfishness and immaturity. Sure, if this is what's going on he needs to be held accountable, but there needs to be some tact about it all.

I really don't hate him and I'm not all that mad. If being with her is what he wants, that's fine. I just wish I had been afforded the truth and not been lied to. I still will allow him to talk to me and hear him out, if that's even what he wants. But I cannot trust him and will not have this kind of drama in my life.

It hit me last night the irony of it all. Exactly this time last year my partner was running off with someone else. Now it's happening again. Note to self, don't let this become an annual pattern.. .. ..

I think I'm just going to stop looking and caring for a bit. They say when you do that then it all falls in your lap. I can hope I guess. I really, really, just want to be a wife and mother and share my life with someone. But I guess it's all in His time and I just need to be patient and have faith. So that's what I think I'll do. Easier said than done, but much easier than hurting.. .. ..

Thursday, May 14, 2009


Last night was very interesting. I got a phone call that threw me a curve ball. It was F's ex ... no, not ex ... his girlfriend. Apparently they are back together and have been for the last three weeks. And she was just calling to confirm that he and I weren't together any more. Because, according to him, he hadn't seen or talked to me in weeks and I was "a big mistake" and he loved her and wants to be with her. So imagine her surprise when I tell her that he and I have never broke up and I just talked to him Tuesday night, saw him Monday night, and he spent Saturday evening with me for my birthday.. .. ..

Long story short, she and I had two long conversations last night to clear up many of the lies we were both told. She called him, he called me - completely denying everything she said and saying he loved me and we'd 'figure this out' when he got home, then she and I talked more.

The sad thing is, I think she'll keep him. I think she'll forgive him and stay with him. And that's so very sad for her. I remember being in her position a year ago, though, and thinking I would do the same. That I would take my ex back too. How weak and needy, to allow someone to treat you that way and still stay.. .. ..

What scares me, for me, is that I haven't cried. I don't feel this deep pain. I know I love(d) F. So why am I so numb to feeling? I am most pissed about being lied to. I gave him plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth. I asked him outright more than once if he was back with her, seeing any one else, or really wanted to be with me. The answers were always no and that he loved me. He wanted to marry me someday and have children ... yada, yada, yada poo. I am just irritated that I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I saw the best in him, and I treated him so good and got crapped on in return. I would hope that I would at least get an apology from him, but I am not sure he's capable of being man enough to give one. And, really, would I even believe it's sincerity?? Hmpf.

Oh well. Nothing can be done about it now. Yet another chapter closed.. .. ..

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Cherish the ones you love. xoxo

You never know when you're number will be up, when your time is done. I wish I was with my F right now. He is in Utah, though. With his family, grieving the death of his sister. She was right around my age, with two young children of her own and a niece she was raising. She was out on ... of all days, Mother's Day ... ATV'ing with her husband and oldest son. The ATV rolled on her and crushed her. She died en route to the hospital. It wasn't anything they hadn't done a million times before.. .. .. It wasn't like she was skydiving or bungee jumping for the first time. It was just a freak, horrible accident.

And, even more heart wrenching, he's the third person close to me to lose a sibling in the last year. So much young life, so much tragedy.. .. ..

So remember to cherish the ones you love, because you'll never know when it's the last moments you'll have with them. "I love you" are the three most important words you can share, so do it.

And I learned a big lesson, not just about grieving, but about communication from F the other night. He said he's already tired of hearing "I'm Sorry". He said, "Why do people say that so often, not even just in the loss of someone, but in so many situations in life?? Say what you really mean." So I sat for a minute, figuring out what I really meant. And I told him, "I know you are hurting and grieving. I know that your heart is heavy. I want you to know I am here if you need me and will step away when you need space, and I'll always love you." He looked at me and said, "Perfect" and kissed me and I knew that what my heart felt was just what he DID want to hear.. .. ..

So I have made a commitment to use the words "I'm sorry" very sparingly now. I think too often we DO use it as a scapegoat to not confront how we really feel and not express ourselves fully. So unless I specifically do something that deserves an apology I will not say I'm sorry. I will take the extra few seconds to formulate my true thoughts and feelings and convey that. I think we could all benefit from that honesty.

So, remember to love those near to you and never take life for granted. Sometimes it really is much too short.. .. ..

Not the same person.. .. ..

One thing that I've really realized this past week is how much I am not the same person that I was this time last year. I think in a lot of ways it's good, but - as with anything in life - there's always a flip side of the coin.

For one, I am much more outspoken than I was a year ago. I stand up for myself and what I believe. I make my own decisions and stand firm in what I want for myself. It might not always be what's "right" for me (especially in the eyes of others) but it's what I want for that moment. And I can only learn from my own mistakes. I won't learn from being chastised or criticized. And I make no qualms in expressing my point of view. Unfortunately, that may hurt others. Which I do not do intentionally, but I won't hurt myself to spare someone else.

I spent entirely too much of my life trying to do everything "right" for everyone else in my life. To say the right things, do the right things, be the right things. I walked on glass too long and I have the scars to prove it.

I promised myself that I would never be that way again and I think that is causing hardship in some of my friendships. I don't think people know how to take me now. I am independent and secure and strong. I don't need others to lead me, I am my own leader. I value others opinions but I don't take them as the gospel and do what others think I should.

And I'm blatantly honest with people. I try and be tactful, however I think it's doing a disservice to not be honest with others. Even if it may hurt their feelings. Nothing is accomplished by sweeping stuff under the rug and pretending everything is okay.

Mostly, I am just my OWN person now. I march to my own drum and I stand up for myself. And not everyone will appreciate that, but I'm the only one that has to. I can't change that about me and I WOULDN'T. I don't ever want to be that weak, meager person I once was ... under the control of others and governed by the rest of the world and not myself.

I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings, but I do not apologize for being me and standing up for me. I am stronger and better than I have ever been and I just cannot apologize for that.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Logan's Good News!!

First, Logan had a gooood week at daycare!! Four out of five days with NO CORNERS!!!! Whoohooo!!! (you have no idea how happy I am about that)!!

But he got even better news this weekend.

So, part of the spread on Saturday night was a fondue bar. With marshmallows, bananas, pretzels ... and strawberries. Well, Logan has never been able to have strawberries. When he was younger he got some wicked (ER visit) reactions. So for years he has longed for a strawberry without satisfaction.

He begggggged on Saturday to have one. So the doctor had said when he got closer to 5 to try... so we tried a small sliver. Waited 10 minutes and he was okay. Gave him a little bigger piece and waited 30 minutes ... and he was okay!! So gave him a whole strawberry ... and he was okay!! I only let him have 3 strawberries that night (still was a little nervous), but he had NO reaction. He was dancing around all the rest of the night and weekend saying "I'm not allergic anymore!!!"

Yea for a summer of Strawberry Shortcake!!! Yummmmmy!!!

Bestest Birthday EVER!!

This weekend was so great. My best friend Nikki flew in for my birthday, which made it that much better. So, here's how it went, Cliff's Notes version.. .. ..

Woke up and got the kiddos off to school/daycare. Got breakfast to take out to the guys at work. Nikki got to see where I work and tour the poo-plant. = ) The guys had all pitched in and got me a carmel-apple cheesecake and a gift card to Jamba Juice!! Yummy!! We left there and went to have lunch with my friend Mary. It was an awesome lunch with my two bestest friends!! After lunch Nikki and I went shopping for the food for Saturday's party. Then we went and got pedicures. Ahhh, that was SO nice. So refreshing!! Friday night was softball... then...

We went out. I will just say I remember *some* of the night. I haven't drank so much (or been so sick) since my 21st. Glad it's the last time I will be drinking for a long time. But it was so awesome and so much fun. I had a great group with me - Nikki, Mary, Patience, Jeff, T.J. (my baby brother!!), and my friend Andrew. It was such a great time.

I actually felt *okay*. Probably from purging all the night before. = ) We started straightening up then went to T-ball for Logan. He did well - as always - but we were ready to eat after! We went to my favorite place for Stromboli (yummy again) then headed home to cook, cook, cook. As always there was MORE than enough food. Saturday night we had a little over 20 people over. Mary's husband Ron bbq'd for me (yummy tri-tip) and Frank Sr. brought his signature potatoes and cheesy bread (oh my favorites). I did ONE jello shot and felt sick again, so no drinking for me. =) But we had such a great time. Kelly brought over her daughter Presley, who is almost one and getting so big (lub her). My friend Mandi, who I haven't seen in quite awhile, showed up with Kelly!! Erica came down with her girls from Mo-town!! All my favorite softball friends (minus Allison = ( ) came over. My mom, brother, Patience, and Jeff. F was there ... It was such a great time!!!

And I got some wonderful presents. F gave me a beautiful plant and a Van Morrison CD. Which is very special to the two of us and reminded me how much he does think of the small things. xoxo. Nikki gave me a beautiful frame with a picture of us and a nice wall hanging. And a pedicure. And food... she - as always - was too good for me. I got bath and body works stuff. An amazing, beautiful bracelet that Erica made for me and a picture. And a few gift cards and $$$. A beautiful sunflowers chime.

OH and the coolest present. Teehee. A gc for ... POLE DANCING CLASSES!!!! Hehehehe. I was talking to Mary about them one day and she, Tricia, and Sarah went in together and got me a gc. I am sooo excited. I will have to check it out soon to see when I can get in and do them. Soooo much fun!! Teehee

We had a relaxing day on Sunday. We were kinda lazy in the morning, then headed up to San Fran around noon. We took the boys to the Exploratorium, which was a lot of fun. I think Logan was a little overwhelmed by all of it. He seemed to be just so amazed and in awe. After that we went to the wharf for dinner then it was time for Nikki to go to the airport. Which is always a sad point in the trip. = (

We had a good visit, though it was much too rushed. A lot for one little weekend. And I just want to sleep now. Early to bed this week for sure!!! But it was so worth it. It was the best birthday ever!!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

It's MAY!

Okay, so it's been May for a week. But it's been a busy month so far, cut me some slack.

I am super-duper-overly excited about this weekend!!! My bff Nikki is flying in tomorrow night to spend the weekend with me. My BIRTHDAY weekend!! I will be 29, take 2 on Sunday! We have such a great weekend planned! Pedi's, softball, going out, big BBQ with my friends, SF.. .. .. Okay, I am getting old; just thinking about it makes me tired!! hehe

I am actually "okay" with the big birthday. I am not upset about the age. If I think too much about it, though, I get frustrated that this is NOT how I imagined my life at 30. SO not how I imagined it. But in order for it to be how I imagined it I would have to regress and be living as much less of a person than I am now. I wouldn't have the growth that I've had in the last year and I'd still be stagnant in my life. So I have to weigh that in and stay focused on all the good. And that definitely outweighs the rest.

I am NOT okay with birth control. Okay, yes, this is a weird sidebar. But I never realized how much I hated - and my body hates - bcp's. I was off of them - for the first time ... ever - for three months and I felt fantastic. Now, back on them for a WEEK and I feel homicidal. I am bitchy, crampy, irritable, bloated, bitchy, sore boobs, and bitchy (did I mention that one yet??!!). OH and NO sex drive. A few weeks ago I thought I was going to have to go to meetings. I mean, I thought it was just because of that 29, take 2 surge of hormones. BUT since on bcp the thought of s.e.x. makes me cringe. So now I am wondering if my lack of sex drive for, oh, the last NINE years was actually bcp's??!! (sorry, I know that was TMI, but this is MY blog). Anyways, hopefully I won't be on them long and I can go back to sane again. Yes, I know that's a relative word with me.

OH, Logan has had a GOOD week at daycare!! WootWoot. He had NO corners on Monday, five yesterday, NONE today. So we'll just pretend Tuesday didn't happen. = ) The daycare has moved, so I think he's adjusting. But overall he's doing so much better. And he LOVES T-ball. He is so flippin' cute out there!! I love going to his games. My lil' champ!

Jonah is doing well, definitely winding down now at the end of the year. He is getting excited and anxious for school to be over and to head off to his dads. It still hasn't completely hit any of us, I don't think. But I am sure it will soon. I feel good about letting him go, though. He's a big kid and it's time to let him explore himself and answer the questions he has. He's a good kid and I have faith he'll do just fine.

I am doing really well, besides the bitchiness. F and I are doing ... okay. Things have definitely slowed way down, which is a good thing. I am not sure what direction we'll go but I am okay with where we stand ... for now. I know, I'm not making much sense, sorry. I guess I'm just not sure where I want to go from here with him or anyone right this second. I *think* I know what I want, but I find myself somehow preventing that from happening. So maybe I'm not as ready as I think or maybe *someones* grand plan isn't the same as mine right now. But I am at peace to just sit back and see where I go.

At least work is going really well. No loss of job, so that's a positive thing. I do have a lot going on ... I could burst at the seams I am so flippin' excited about some of it!! To sum it up, though, I am at peace. I feel like I'm right where I am supposed to be. I am walking the path laid out for me and I have faith good things are waiting along this trail. I am fundamentally happier than I ... maybe have ever been. I have goals and direction and complete peace, which is something one can only hope to achieve. So, I'm going to enjoy it. And enjoy the ride for a bit.

That said, there is ONE lil' aspect that I'm finding a realllly hard time with having patience with. That is one virtue I cannot master. Seriously, can things go any slower (rofl, really, in this case that's so far from true). It's true though, the more you want the phone to ring or the email to pop up or something to happen the longer it seems to take. Again, making no sense ... sorry. = )

Now off to bed. Tomorrow is cleaning and a trip to SF to the airport!! Whoo-freakin'-hoo!!!