So I am asking all my friends here to chime in on this for me. Leave me a comment and let me know what YOU think.. .. ..
SO I finally talked to F. Turns out, in his words, he is an ass. He was with me and his ex. He *says* he was back with her because he hated seeing her hurt. Yet he still picked fights to see me because he loves me and wanted to be with me... Long story short, we had a great talk, we are NOT together, but we are still friends and will be there for each other as support.. .. ..
So here is the way I look at things and feel about the situation.. .. ..
He made a bad decision. Doesn't make him a bad man. He has a lot of growing and maturing to do. For the last five years she's enabled him to be nothing and do nothing. His dad and I agree it's because as long as he lived like that he wouldn't leave her and that was her fear. He is insecure and has no faith in himself. He doesn't believe he's "worth it" or will succeed. That stems from ... a lot. However, I got to know him, the real him. He has a heart of gold and so much good in him. He can be a great man and make and reach goals. He just has to believe in himself and want to be that man. I know I can't make him do that or see that, but I do feel like I can be his friend and encourage him, which he doesn't get anywhere else, from anyone else. How good of a person would I be if I just turned my back on him and gave up on him, like everyone else has? So I chose to make myself available as his friend and offer my support to him.
Sooo, *I* think that it shows how much I have changed in the last year. Before I would have wanted to castrate him and send him international (that's my UPS drivers solution). But I don't feel any animosity at all. I forgave him before he asked for it. I feel compassion for him. I want us to be friends and I want to support him.
My friends say I'm much too good for him to have as a friend and that I shouldn't give him a second thought in any capacity. They say I'm much too nice and that I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. (though I don't see how... can't be more disappointed than I was....)
So, anyways, jury is out.. .. .. am I compassionate or stupid??!!
Simply Me.. .. ..
- Jenn.. .. ..
- Mom to two boys here on earth, and one agonizingly-missed boy in Heaven...and rainbow baby born June 2013. Trying to find my way back from my son's loss to the family that loves me and needs me here ...
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7 comments:
You'll never really know until you've got hindsight.
As long as you're not locked into a certain decision, than go with the compassionate friend thing until it's no longer working for you.
I think you are more than capable of keeping your eyes open while seeing if you can be friends.
Just be careful!
Compassionate. It shows your maturity to do what you are doing.
I see no reason why you still can't be friends with him. That doesn't mean cuddling, or romantic dinners. It means being a shoulder when he needs to chat. As long as you are clear on your boundries, and know where your weakness lies, then I don't see a problem with it. I have found it hard sometimes to draw the line between "friends" and "something more." Thats after a relationship. Its hard not to fall back into the dream of how it was. KWIM? But, I think if you have a strong idea of your boundries then it should be fine.
Sorry, this is a few days late. I haven't been here in awhile. LOL
Miss ya!
Jenn this is Melanie's mom...I've been following you blog (found it somehow) and would like to tell you I so admire you and am so proud of the woman you have become.
Thank you ALL for your comments!!
MOM!!! Thank you so much ... your words mean so much to me! I miss you and love you ... hope all is well for you!
You can email me at sheliag52@comcast.net if you get a chance...
Jenn you are an amazing lady. You can see the inner beauty in people and thats amazing. Stay strong.
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