Really??

Last night was very interesting. I got a phone call that threw me a curve ball. It was F's ex ... no, not ex ... his girlfriend. Apparently they are back together and have been for the last three weeks. And she was just calling to confirm that he and I weren't together any more. Because, according to him, he hadn't seen or talked to me in weeks and I was "a big mistake" and he loved her and wants to be with her. So imagine her surprise when I tell her that he and I have never broke up and I just talked to him Tuesday night, saw him Monday night, and he spent Saturday evening with me for my birthday.. .. ..

Long story short, she and I had two long conversations last night to clear up many of the lies we were both told. She called him, he called me - completely denying everything she said and saying he loved me and we'd 'figure this out' when he got home, then she and I talked more.

The sad thing is, I think she'll keep him. I think she'll forgive him and stay with him. And that's so very sad for her. I remember being in her position a year ago, though, and thinking I would do the same. That I would take my ex back too. How weak and needy, to allow someone to treat you that way and still stay.. .. ..

What scares me, for me, is that I haven't cried. I don't feel this deep pain. I know I love(d) F. So why am I so numb to feeling? I am most pissed about being lied to. I gave him plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth. I asked him outright more than once if he was back with her, seeing any one else, or really wanted to be with me. The answers were always no and that he loved me. He wanted to marry me someday and have children ... yada, yada, yada poo. I am just irritated that I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I saw the best in him, and I treated him so good and got crapped on in return. I would hope that I would at least get an apology from him, but I am not sure he's capable of being man enough to give one. And, really, would I even believe it's sincerity?? Hmpf.

Oh well. Nothing can be done about it now. Yet another chapter closed.. .. ..