It's MAY!

Okay, so it's been May for a week. But it's been a busy month so far, cut me some slack.

I am super-duper-overly excited about this weekend!!! My bff Nikki is flying in tomorrow night to spend the weekend with me. My BIRTHDAY weekend!! I will be 29, take 2 on Sunday! We have such a great weekend planned! Pedi's, softball, going out, big BBQ with my friends, SF.. .. .. Okay, I am getting old; just thinking about it makes me tired!! hehe

I am actually "okay" with the big birthday. I am not upset about the age. If I think too much about it, though, I get frustrated that this is NOT how I imagined my life at 30. SO not how I imagined it. But in order for it to be how I imagined it I would have to regress and be living as much less of a person than I am now. I wouldn't have the growth that I've had in the last year and I'd still be stagnant in my life. So I have to weigh that in and stay focused on all the good. And that definitely outweighs the rest.

I am NOT okay with birth control. Okay, yes, this is a weird sidebar. But I never realized how much I hated - and my body hates - bcp's. I was off of them - for the first time ... ever - for three months and I felt fantastic. Now, back on them for a WEEK and I feel homicidal. I am bitchy, crampy, irritable, bloated, bitchy, sore boobs, and bitchy (did I mention that one yet??!!). OH and NO sex drive. A few weeks ago I thought I was going to have to go to meetings. I mean, I thought it was just because of that 29, take 2 surge of hormones. BUT since on bcp the thought of s.e.x. makes me cringe. So now I am wondering if my lack of sex drive for, oh, the last NINE years was actually bcp's??!! (sorry, I know that was TMI, but this is MY blog). Anyways, hopefully I won't be on them long and I can go back to sane again. Yes, I know that's a relative word with me.

OH, Logan has had a GOOD week at daycare!! WootWoot. He had NO corners on Monday, five yesterday, NONE today. So we'll just pretend Tuesday didn't happen. = ) The daycare has moved, so I think he's adjusting. But overall he's doing so much better. And he LOVES T-ball. He is so flippin' cute out there!! I love going to his games. My lil' champ!

Jonah is doing well, definitely winding down now at the end of the year. He is getting excited and anxious for school to be over and to head off to his dads. It still hasn't completely hit any of us, I don't think. But I am sure it will soon. I feel good about letting him go, though. He's a big kid and it's time to let him explore himself and answer the questions he has. He's a good kid and I have faith he'll do just fine.

I am doing really well, besides the bitchiness. F and I are doing ... okay. Things have definitely slowed way down, which is a good thing. I am not sure what direction we'll go but I am okay with where we stand ... for now. I know, I'm not making much sense, sorry. I guess I'm just not sure where I want to go from here with him or anyone right this second. I *think* I know what I want, but I find myself somehow preventing that from happening. So maybe I'm not as ready as I think or maybe *someones* grand plan isn't the same as mine right now. But I am at peace to just sit back and see where I go.

At least work is going really well. No loss of job, so that's a positive thing. I do have a lot going on ... I could burst at the seams I am so flippin' excited about some of it!! To sum it up, though, I am at peace. I feel like I'm right where I am supposed to be. I am walking the path laid out for me and I have faith good things are waiting along this trail. I am fundamentally happier than I ... maybe have ever been. I have goals and direction and complete peace, which is something one can only hope to achieve. So, I'm going to enjoy it. And enjoy the ride for a bit.

That said, there is ONE lil' aspect that I'm finding a realllly hard time with having patience with. That is one virtue I cannot master. Seriously, can things go any slower (rofl, really, in this case that's so far from true). It's true though, the more you want the phone to ring or the email to pop up or something to happen the longer it seems to take. Again, making no sense ... sorry. = )

Now off to bed. Tomorrow is cleaning and a trip to SF to the airport!! Whoo-freakin'-hoo!!!