One Last Thought (I hate insomnia.. .. .. )

I will say this. Regardless if I'm crazy or not for forgiving F, I am a better person for being with him ... for being with all the people I have talked to/dated. Each person has helped me learn a little more about me. Helped raise my awareness of who I am, what I want, and what I will and won't put up with. I am so much more independent than a year ago. I would have been CRUSHED (hell, I was) a year ago. I wouldn't have known how to go ahead *alone*. I am not afraid of being alone anymore. I am confident and comfortable with myself. Do I *want* to be alone?? No. But I am not a lesser person because I am. If nothing else I am proud that I don't need anyone else to be happy. Like my ex... will never be alone. Can't be. Doesn't know how to be. So bounce from relationship to relationship, having to prove love and stake claim to make sure there won't be any alone time. I'll tell you, spending this past year alone most of that time and really having to reflect has helped me grow so much. Though there have been times I just wanted to ball up and cry, I am a stronger person today for it. And I think that will make me more desirable and give me a healthier, happier relationship down the road. I have no need to force any relationship or hold on so tight. Because with or without someone else I will be ... and am ... okay. I think THAT'S why I am okay with what happened. I will not be broken or derailed. It's a bump in the road, and I pull myself up and dust myself off. I feel fortunate for that!! It's another test I have faced and passed.. .. ..