Monday, March 30, 2009


So I reread my last post... After being asked about something in it...

After that we all meandered around, some took naps, and some did ... nevermind. =)

The "nevermind" thing had nothing to do with sex. Just for the record. I did do something spontaneous, fun, and totally awesome in Vegas ... but what happens in Vegas ... no, it came home with me. Hmph that won't work. Well, I will always remember this trip!!


Oh I am so behind.. .. ..

I will work furthest back to current.

So the wedding was good. The day was long. The boys and I left out of the house around 10 a.m. I had to finish up the rest of the favors Friday night/Saturday morning so I got a later start than I wanted. We got up there in plenty of time, however we had to stop and get the groom and the kids. So fast-forward .... It's one-thirty and we arrive to set up the hall. Wedding is at three. AH! But I got all the tables set up and ready to go. The groom and I leave the hall to head to the wedding. We get there at 2:50 (the wedding is at 3:00, did I mention that??). So I send him to get dressed and check on the bride ... who is still getting make-up done and doesn't have the dress on yet. Okay, groom is safe. Long story short, we were running back and forth, pinning boutonnieres and checking on this-and-that, and finally started the wedding at 3:30. It was over by 3:45.. .. .. Off to the reception hall to set up all the food (it was brought in by family, big pot luck...). Okay, so the rest is pretty much standard wedding stuff. Except these few highlights.. .. ..
* The wedding topper - fell, crashed and burned, broke in pieces. OOPS.
*The toast ... um, eventually it was done...
*Karaoke - 'Nuff said
and the most awesomest part ....
*The wedding crasher. OH YEA, they had one. Some random dude totally crashed and helped himself to four plates of food. As he was being asked to leave he grabbed a handful of favors for the road!!! haha, it was great!!

It was a very long day ... got back at 10:30 at night. But the bride was BEAUTIFUL and happy and it was a good day!!

So on St. Patty's Day I attempted corned beef cabbage. It went well ... it was good. But the following Sunday we had our traditional dinner with our family friend (second mom). It was fantastic. Super fantastic ... and her signature homemade-all-from-scratch apple pie for dessert. That was the only reason for this blurb ... the pie is blog-worthy!!

So boring, but such a big part of what's going on in my life right now. Being on the union has its good and bad ... and it's the same thing - Knowing it all and knowing it first. Things are gloomy. Fifty-five people are losing their jobs. Golden handshakes and voluntary severances are being pushed. Furlough days are a hopeful option. Though my position is safe it's still very disheartening to see people you know, employees of 10+ years in some cases, up to lose their jobs. It's heartbreaking. Everything will be final by June 30. Honestly, at this point, I just can't wait for it to be over and done .. .. ..

This last weekend we went to Vegas for my friends 30th birthday!!! OMS it was an AMAZING trip! The two girls I met up with are my Jr. High bestest friends (J & K). I am horrible and didn't maintain good contact with them ... thank goodness they have forgiven me and invited me to join them for the birthday celebration. Friday afternoon we got into Vegas and I dropped the kids off with the ex (read next blurb for those details). I met up with everyone at the hotel and we were STARVING. So we headed over to Planet Hollywood for dinner ... yum!! Afterwards we decided to get the drink on and went to Kahunaville in our hotel (Treasure Island). Holy wow, what a good time. Free shots, bubbling and smoking drinks, screaming, and getting lei-d. Good times! Our dear birthday girl K needed bread. LOL. So we split up and she and J went to get bread (which later was described as HORRIBLE). I went to find the guys who were playing Roulette and proceeded to lose all of M's money (sorry sweets). We finally all caught up again and headed out on the strip to walk. We didn't make it far ... landed at Margaritaville!! We got the signature LONG cups of frozen margaritas. Here's a quick recap of the rest of the night ... J and I were dancing most of the time, trying to avoid being vomited on by college boy who was bouncing like the Teen Spirit video. M almost fell asleep in the nachos and later puked on D. We made C the pimp-daddy of Vegas with a few college boys (Don't mess it up man!!). And we all collapsed out at ... um 3??4?? Uh, I don't remember!! Saturday we went to the Rio for brunch. Yummilicious!! After that we all meandered around, some took naps, and some did ... nevermind. =) That evening we all went to Mystere at the TI. It was an AMAZING show!!!! The strength and acrobatics was awe-striking and the comedy had everyone busting up. Afterwards we went to eat and then ... to eat again!! We ended up at the Venetian for dessert. Oh yummmmmy creme brule! and chocolate cake! and bananas foster! and banana cream pie! Oh yes, we ate like rock stars!!! We all retired for the night after that. Mostly because we were leaving the next day ... partially I think because we were all too full to do anything else!!! Sunday morning it was time to go ... BUT not before BIRTHDAY CAKE!! J bought K the MOST AMAZING birthday cake. It was from Jean-Philippe ... and shaped just like a coach purse!! It was a beautiful pink and had all the detailing, down to the tag and stitching! There were flowers next to it that were gorgeous. All edible!! The cake ... OMS the cake ... a decadent chocolate that melted in your mouth. The filling was hazelnut praline crunch. Words cannot describe how FANTASTIC it was. When I get pics I will upload them ... a must see!! The only bad part of the whole weekend was that it had to end. It was so amazing to see my friends again and meet their significant others. I miss them already. But we have a date for July! Get ready K!! Your turn to lay on the table!!! hehe. And, yes, that's the abridged version of the trip. Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas (or ends up on the Internet, according to the shuttle driver. At least here I can edit what it says!! As long as it's not on myspace or yourspace, right??!!

Overall they said they had a good visit with the ex. That's all I am allowed to say on the subject.

Is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing thing. Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder and love does heal.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

So excited!!

Today was a goooood day. I was busy as a bee at work but that's okay. Good for job security (in this very uncertain time).


First, I found out my VERY deserving, WONDERFUL mommy-to-be friend is expecting TWINS!!! Her surrogate is 7w today and they saw the most beautiful little bugs in the belly!!! They are ADORABLE. In three more weeks they'll see them again!! And as soon as they can find out gender I am shopping!! hehe. I am so very excited for her and her husband. They are truly two of the sweetest people I have ever met and will be AMAZING parents!!!

Second, my boys are so lucky. Period. They are going to go visit MY grandparents this summer for a MONTH!! Jonah, of course, will be staying with his dad at the end of the summer, but Logan will be taking a ROAD TRIP with granny and pop to come home!! They will show him all kinds of cool things across country on their way home!

So I am scared and nervous, not having my boys for a month, but I am so happy for them. I was thinking, how many people even have their grandparents?? My boys are spending a month building memories with their GREAT grandparents. How amazing and awesome is THAT??!! I hope Logan does okay being gone that long ... he is a momma's boy, so.... but I think with his brother there he'll be okay. Hopefully. If not they may be shipping him home early!! haha. No matter what, it will be an adventure for both of them!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


There is so much going on I have to remember to breath. As a matter of fact, a coworker has been very good about making me stop and take deep breaths. Just so much going on.

The wedding is THIS weekend and I still have so much to do. It's my fault. I was going to hammer out a bunch this weekend, but we had T-Ball, then the bachelorette party, and - though I didn't drink - I had to recuperate on Sunday. I don't remember the last time I was out until 3:30 a.m.

So I still have a lot to do for the wedding and now only three days to do it. It WILL get done, but I am feeling the rush setting in. And I want it all to be beautiful and perfect. Saturday the boys and I will leave EARLY to get up to Marysville for the wedding and to set up the reception hall. The wedding is at three so ... oh heck, if I think too much about it I will start to stress again.

Yesterday Jonah came up to me as we were leaving the house to give me a paper ... that said I had parent-teacher conference THAT afternoon!! UGH. Apparently Jo has been lying and NOT finishing all his work and turning it in on time. I was so frustrated. His grades are still OKAY. He is testing below his reading level. Not because he can't read, but because he doesn't want to. However in math he's testing at a 12.9 level. Yes, a graduated senior level in the sixth grade. So we had a good talk last night and then F had a good talk with him. F can relate to him so well and it makes Jo feel a lot better. I was impressed with their interaction and the great response Jo had with F. I was also relieved. I don't "get" Jo's lack of concentration and his disregard for his work. So having someone to relate to and have encourage him is a great thing. And F loves it. He enjoys being a friend to Jo and seeing that he makes a difference. I think he is more upset about Jonah moving than I am. They are just becoming really good friends and then he's moving. I have at least had a while to process it.. .. ..

Logan is actually having a better time at daycare. He's down to 1 - 3 time-outs which isn't good but is better. He is at least trying. My problem now is bedtime. He lays down fine, but I find him 30 minutes later up and playing with toys. I am considering either moving the toys out of the room or taking away the nightlight. He never used it before ... He is smart way beyond his years, as everyone notices, not just me. He is doing well overall with the F situation. He either wants all my attention or all F's attention, but not for us to pay attention to each other. He really loves him, just not sharing me with him. He is adjusting well, though, and it seems the more F is around the better Lo is doing (at home and daycare).

As for me, I wonder if I'll ever be normal again. I am sick again. MRSA flare up again. I was exposed to Strep but instead of getting that it went straight to a MRSA infection. So back on antibiotics for that. Other physical things are going on, which is just too personal to share in my blog. But it's been a rough week. I try and stay optimistic that next week, next month will be better, but ... it gets hard sometimes. Overall, in the grand scheme of things, it could always be worse. I have two great kids, a good job, and someone who loves me insanely. I really shouldn't complain.. .. ..

And, hey, last night I attempted Corned Beef and Cabbage for the first time ever. It was yummilicious!! F even messaged me this morning to tell me how "excellent" it was again. The boys scarfed it down too. Tonight is ribs and noodles, but tomorrow and Friday are yummy leftovers (gives me more time for centerpieces, lol).

Hopefully after this week is over things will be better. Just gotta make it through this one.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

And then the real world.

So the wedding planning is going very well. I started on the centerpieces yesterday and I must say, they are so pretty. I am having a ball with it! I don't think it will take too long to finish them up. It's fairly easy, but looks really nice. Tonight the bride-to-be will come over to give her seal of approval. Since I have a dozen finshed she better like them!! It's actually a lot of fun. If I could make a living of bridal/party planning and execution I soooo would. It's fun to be creative and help make someones special day what they dream it to be.. .. ..

Logan did better for all of a day. Monday he had no corners, yesterday he had four, we'll see what today holds. I just don't get the swings in his moods and why he cannot process and retain the simple fact that he NEEDS to quit being such a butt. Ugh, it's definitely a work in progress and hopefully it'll start WORKING soon.

Jonah is doing really well. I think he's split on moving again. This time because of F. He really likes him too and I think enjoys the male-bonding time. F does homework with Jo, plays guitar hero, and talks music with him. He makes Jo feel good and I wonder if that's not what is now making Jo second guess moving. Hell, F has taken a liking to him and even asked yesterday "how wrong would it be to try and convince him to stay?".

My life is going through the normal bump-and-grind as far as all that goes. But my friend isn't going through the normal stuff. At all. And I am worried about her but there isn't anything I can do. If she doesn't want to help herself I cannot force her. I can't make her do anything or work anything out. But it breaks my heart. I also feel bad because I know I add to her stress and that bothers me. I need to just step back and let her go through this. Though I wish she'd be more protactive to work through things. UGH, it's such a crappy situation. I honestly wish I could just wave a magic wand and make it all better.

But, it's life. The real world.

So when do I wake up?

I imagine I must be dreaming. I am waiting for that funky falling feeling, where you're about to hit the ground and suddenly startle awake. I seriously cannot be living in the real world. It's just not this good there right? There aren't butterflies in the tummy, hearts in the eyes, and smiles all over your face in the REAL world, right?

Well, if not, don't wake me. I like this place. I love that when he walks through the door my heart swells and a smile blooms across my face and soul. I love his sweet kisses and how he holds me close. I love feeling safe in his arms.

I love knowing he loves me too. He said so. Yesterday. For the first time. And even went so far as to tell me he was in love with me ... while staring into my eyes, into my soul.

I enjoy humoring the idea of a wedding. Of a baby. Of a life together. I enjoy the optomism of what tomorrow might hold. What a future - OUR future - could be like. Picking out "our songs" ... talking about the boys and goals with them ... talking about 30 years from now ...

Don't wake me if I'm dreaming ... I am enjoying this one much too much ...

Monday, March 9, 2009

Sunny Days

Literally the weather is much better finally. The sun is out and that always makes for better days. I don't mind the rain in spurts, but I am awful glad the sun is shining again.

Figuratively, the sun is shining much brighter lately. I guess love does that to life, huh??

Friday night F came over to spend some time.. .. .. And then Saturday ... and again yesterday. We have been spending a lot more time together, though we both agree we still want more. It's crazy, I guess, how much we want to be together. How much adoration we share and how happy we are together. But everything just seems sweeter when he's around. The boys ask for him all the time now. He is so good with them and to them.

Jonah and F are working on their "career" on Guitar Hero. Jonah loves the attention and friendship they are building. Logan has been a little apprehensive ... not of F, but of sharing me with him! But yesterday we had a breakthrough - he told F "This is MY mommy, but she's your Jennifer". We both just laughed, but we knew that was a pretty significant moment. The more time we spend together, the more time we want. We have started discussing the big things of life ... marriage, kids, etc, to make sure we're on the same page with things. We discuss goals and dreams and hopes. And the possibility of sharing those things together.

I am still apprehensive myself. I am scared of getting hurt. So scared. I haven't felt so strong or cared so much in a very long time and I'm terrified of being crushed again. I have told him this ... I have told him he has the ability to do that. He very reassuringly told me that it would kill him to hurt me and he'll protect my heart. I know he genuinely cares and will care for me. I am just scared .. .. ..

OH yesterday was so much fun! I got BABY time!!! My friend had her little girl on Friday and she is beautiful!! SO much hair!! I loved cuddling and snuggling her. Dang baby fever though. It was nice, too, to visit with friends and have some quiet time. And cuddle the sweet little one. Well, relatively little. If you consider a 9 lb newborn little!! What a beauty, though!!

Let's See.. .. .. The boys are doing well. Jonah came down with a wicked double-ear-infection, but the antibiotics are clearing him up. he's still in good spirits (always). Logan had a good weekend with very little trouble to speak of. I am praying for a good day today at daycare. It sucks, having butterflies when I go to pick him up, wondering how bad of a day we had. UGH. I am hoping he outgrows this soon.

This week will be the last quiet one for a few weeks, so I hope to enjoy it. This coming weekend I have a bachelorette party, the next weekend a wedding, the next weekend Vegas ... I am tired just thinking of all of it. AND I need to get all the wedding stuff finished. Only TWO WEEKS. What was I thinking??!! LOL.

I am so glad we are on the tips of Spring. I love this time of year. When everything is fresh and new and hope and possibilities are bountiful!

Thursday, March 5, 2009


What do I do now?? Logan is just a demon. No, not really. He's a sweet child but much too ... smart? sassy? streetwise? smartass? for his own good. Yesterday he, yet again, decided time outs and lying was a good idea. So, the punishment was already laid out and had to be followed (goodness forbid another 'haha, mommy won't do it' episode). So when we got home he got his spanking first. Then time for hot sauce. I put a dab on his tongue. A dab that would make my mouth hot for a few, a dab that would make most kids cry and swear to never do it again. Logan? Not so much. He made a funny face and said "it tickles" - yes! there's the burn and the lesson - but no, then he says ... "Can I go play now?" WHAT?? Phased him for all of a second. He *says* he doesn't want it again but he sure didn't seemed phased. And he made sure I knew that my spankings don't hurt.

Of course F (bf, we'll use his first inital now...) came over and was giggling at me. He was VERY good to not laugh in front of Logan. Even with not having children of his own he knows that would be very bad. Not only for what it would show Logan but for the fact he would be in physical harm from ME for laughing. He did talk to Logan and asked him to please be good for mommy. And that he's bringing a bottle of super-duper hot sauce for mommy to keep in the fridge. We'll see if that helps. Ha. He also hung out with Jo for a few and looked at homework with him. He did manage to spend a FEW minutes with me. Haha. It's okay ... I love seeing him with the boys. He is so good with them and it warms my heart. We did talk and establish that our intentions are to make this work for a very long term. Though it's hardly work at this point. But the boys are a priority for us and we do not want them hurt at all. And I think as long as we continue to communicate so well and respect and adore each other so much this could definitely work out for a long time to come.. .. .. He DID message me a 'warning' ... it said "Please be aware that my affections for you are growing leaps and bounds". Glad I'm not the only one feeling that way.. .. ..

Ahhh. I am so ready for this week to be over!!! Tomorrow is Logan's first t-ball practice. I am so very excited. Then we'll get to spend some time with F this weekend. And I have to start all the wedding stuff (Sarah and Erica, you might get a call!!). OH and Sunday I hope to shoot up to visit a friend and her NEW baby that will be born TOMORROW!!!! Yea for babies!!!

OH and tonight more walking!! My friend Mary and I have been very good little walkers, going all week. We do between 2 - 5 miles a night!! Walking seriously makes me feel better physically and mentally. I am going to start the Wii Fit again, but I am going to get up and do it in the mornings so as to not take more time from the kids. But it makes me feel so good I want to do it again! (now that the doctor says I can!)

And my tummy is hungry... the roast and potatoes are in the crock-pot, though, so easy night for me!!!

Oh heck, watch out, I'm officially BACK ... I'm rambling again!!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

And the beat goes on.

So things just keep getting better with the bf and me. I start to worry or doubt or get scared, just my nature now (after getting hurt so badly) but then he'll say something so sweet and it comes so naturally that I know he's sincere and I calm back down. Last night he called and was telling me about something and said "our songs". It made my heart skip a beat. And, at the end of the conversation he very sweetly, very meaningfully, told me he missed me. And I knew he meant it and it felt good. To know he thinks of me and misses me too. Anywho.. .. ..

I was quite frustrated last night though. The ex called (Hi to you) and gave me the 20 questions about him. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to share that yet. But through emotional jabs and manipulation I gave in. And I'm damn pissed about it. I did NOT want to have that discussion. I didn't want to hear the smug "well I hope you're happy" b.s. I just want my life to be MY life. Seriously, was enough not stolen from me already? Let me just be happy at rebuilding it and finding a meaningful, wonderful relationship. I have not been so spoiled, adored, and cared about in as long as I can remember. I just want to enjoy it. So shut-up and let me. Don't rain on my parade. And, yes, I am venting but I also know this will be read and I'm much better at writing my feelings than saying them. So I hope the point has been made clear.

On to updates on the other stuff. My health, first of all, is hopefully finally on the mend. We found out why I've been so sick .... MRSA. It's a hospital born staph infection. The baby, her parents, and I all have it. So my immune system has been shot since I got out of the hospital. I am on round two of antibiotics now and should be feeling much better in the next few weeks. Thank goodness!! My weight still fluctuates almost 10 pounds a week!!! Still no idea why. It's between 129 and 139. I just wish it would level off already. But besides that I'm feeling fantastic now!!

Jonah and I had a good talk the other night. About the ex, about the bf, and about him moving to his dads. It just amazes me how much he is growing up. He is still a goofy kid under it all, but sometimes he amazes me with his comprehension and insight. (He loves the bf, btw. He said if it was his choice he would be over every night. ) He is sure he wants to live with dad, but we were still talking about pro's and con's. He is really thinking it through and I am proud of him. Poor guy has caught my cold though and is a little under the weather now. I hope we caught it early enough. I am trying to keep him well-drugged.

Logan got his first taste of soap yesterday. No lecturing, please. It was a tiny little drip, but enough for him to know it's gross. He was insistent on lying to both Miss Cathy and me and that's a huge no-no. You get in much more trouble in my home for lying than the actual infraction of the rules. He also got a spanking since he had three time-outs. I have taken away video games. I don't know what else to do. Little stinker. I will just keep praying for patience and I'm sure we'll figure it all out soon.

And the wedding is right around the corner. I have to work on the centerpieces this coming weekend. All the vases will be in so I can start assembly. I hope they turn out nice. I never thought I would be the nice wedding type, but in helping plan I can't help to start to dream.. .. ..

Who knows what the future will hold?? .. .. ..

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

twitterpatted.. .. ..

I have a wonderful boyfriend. Just sayin'.. .. ..

Three examples:

One, he made me a CD of amazing love songs. Van Morrison, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Joe Cocker, and even threw in Jason Mraz.

Two, he messages me in the morning to say "good morning beautiful!"

And three, he just now he sent me a message. This weekend I gave him a card that said "When I see you my eyes turn to little hearts" or something like that. I told him the other card I almost got said "You make me smile all over my face".. .. .. So he just messaged me that!!! Ahhh, it feels soooo good to be so adored!!! hehehe

Monday, March 2, 2009

A week and a wild ride.. ... ..

So what a week!! It's been crazy to say the least. I had a lot going on.. .. ..

First, Logan is still being difficult. Little poop is still getting a lot of corners, mostly for being a smart ass. He is pushing the envelope a lot. He thinks he's so dang cute too. I had to spank him twice. I hate spanking. But Thursday he got in a lot of trouble at daycare and I told him that when we got home I would spank him. Well, we got home and talked it through and I made him sit on time out, no t.v., but no spanking. SOOOO Mr. Big Stuff thought he was big stuff the next day. He was sent to the corner again and was singing under his breath. Miss Cathy asked him what he was saying and he said - get this - "It's okay, mommy won't spank me anyways". WHAT??!! WHAT??!! I TRY and be nice and he mocks me?? So, needless to say he got a spanking when we got home. And another Saturday night for not listening. He is just much much much too smart and grown up for his age. I have a strong feeling the principal and I are going to be close. Can anyone say speed-dial??.. .. .. UGH OH but his first T-Ball practice is Friday!! YEA!!!!

Jonah is doing well though. He decided, with conviction, that he IS moving to his dad's. In all honesty I think it will be good for him. I think he needs to build that relationship and have that time. Sure it hurts and I will miss him like heck, but I love and support my son. He is growing up too fast, too. We had to buy new shoes AGAIN yesterday. Mens size 9!! He's 11 (okay, almost 12). Who gave him permission to grow up so dang fast??!! =(

My BFF seems to be doing better, which makes me happy. I try not to ask her much about how she's doing. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I don't want her to think I forgot or I don't care, but I don't want to keep bringing it up either. I just always try to remind her I'm here to talk to. I still wish there was more I could do. I can't wait for her to be here in May. We definitely need some BFF time!!!

Work went well this last week. It was so busy. End of month is always a whirlwind. And we had a few union meetings. This economy... ugh. But I have faith it will all work out and we'll be okay. I have to believe that.. .. ..

On the boys side of thing. Well, the one guy never emailed me back or anything. BUT I guess things always do happen for a reason. Mr. Saturday Night and I have really really hit it off. We absolutely enjoy each others company. What makes me the happiest is finding peace and happiness in the quiet moments. We'll sit there with music on, me laying wrapped up in him on the couch, and just completely silent. Just BEING. It's special and sweet and fantastic. He is wonderful with the boys. They absolutely adore him. I swore a long time ago that I wouldn't introduce anyone to the boys until I knew they would stick around for awhile. And I am still so hesitant, but they met him at the party and were asking for him. They like him as much as I do I think!! He plays video games with them, goofs around, and just treats them good. Logan will ask for a drink and he tells me to stay where I am, he'll get it for him. It's so nice to have that little break AND see someone adore my kids as much as they adore me. He made me a CD that melts my heart. Ahhh, yes, I am smitten. I am scared to death. I don't want to get hurt. But I can't back off, I can't walk away. I am just way to happy when I'm with him. I just have to have faith and hope that it lasts, that we continue to share time and heart with each other.. .. ..

Anywho, enough rambling. OH I do have one other BIG thing going on. My friend is getting married in three weeks!! And she didn't have centerpieces yet or her favors done or, well, anything!! So the next few weeks I am making favors and centerpieces for the wedding. What was I thinking, volunteering??!! LOL. Guess that's what we do for friends.. .. ..