And the beat goes on.

So things just keep getting better with the bf and me. I start to worry or doubt or get scared, just my nature now (after getting hurt so badly) but then he'll say something so sweet and it comes so naturally that I know he's sincere and I calm back down. Last night he called and was telling me about something and said "our songs". It made my heart skip a beat. And, at the end of the conversation he very sweetly, very meaningfully, told me he missed me. And I knew he meant it and it felt good. To know he thinks of me and misses me too. Anywho.. .. ..

I was quite frustrated last night though. The ex called (Hi to you) and gave me the 20 questions about him. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to share that yet. But through emotional jabs and manipulation I gave in. And I'm damn pissed about it. I did NOT want to have that discussion. I didn't want to hear the smug "well I hope you're happy" b.s. I just want my life to be MY life. Seriously, was enough not stolen from me already? Let me just be happy at rebuilding it and finding a meaningful, wonderful relationship. I have not been so spoiled, adored, and cared about in as long as I can remember. I just want to enjoy it. So shut-up and let me. Don't rain on my parade. And, yes, I am venting but I also know this will be read and I'm much better at writing my feelings than saying them. So I hope the point has been made clear.

On to updates on the other stuff. My health, first of all, is hopefully finally on the mend. We found out why I've been so sick .... MRSA. It's a hospital born staph infection. The baby, her parents, and I all have it. So my immune system has been shot since I got out of the hospital. I am on round two of antibiotics now and should be feeling much better in the next few weeks. Thank goodness!! My weight still fluctuates almost 10 pounds a week!!! Still no idea why. It's between 129 and 139. I just wish it would level off already. But besides that I'm feeling fantastic now!!

Jonah and I had a good talk the other night. About the ex, about the bf, and about him moving to his dads. It just amazes me how much he is growing up. He is still a goofy kid under it all, but sometimes he amazes me with his comprehension and insight. (He loves the bf, btw. He said if it was his choice he would be over every night. ) He is sure he wants to live with dad, but we were still talking about pro's and con's. He is really thinking it through and I am proud of him. Poor guy has caught my cold though and is a little under the weather now. I hope we caught it early enough. I am trying to keep him well-drugged.

Logan got his first taste of soap yesterday. No lecturing, please. It was a tiny little drip, but enough for him to know it's gross. He was insistent on lying to both Miss Cathy and me and that's a huge no-no. You get in much more trouble in my home for lying than the actual infraction of the rules. He also got a spanking since he had three time-outs. I have taken away video games. I don't know what else to do. Little stinker. I will just keep praying for patience and I'm sure we'll figure it all out soon.

And the wedding is right around the corner. I have to work on the centerpieces this coming weekend. All the vases will be in so I can start assembly. I hope they turn out nice. I never thought I would be the nice wedding type, but in helping plan I can't help to start to dream.. .. ..

Who knows what the future will hold?? .. .. ..