Peace and Hope

I have kinda dropped word in here that the boys and I started going to church. It's quite interesting because I never thought I would feel that I 'fit' again at church.

But within the first few weeks of going I have felt conviction that church - this one in particular - is where I'm supposed to be. Here's a few co-winki-dinks that make me feel that way.. .. ..First week I see that a coworker of mine goes there - cool I know someone. Second week I figure out that my step-sister and her family go there .... weird. Then last week I figure out that I dated (for a very very brief time) one of the guys in the band. I am surrounded by people that I know. Very, very cool!! LOL

Well, yesterday was an amazing day at church. I honestly was tired and knew I'd be having a very long day so I wasn't sure I was going to make it. But I got up, got ready, and went.

The message was from a guest speaker. I must say, it seemed he kinda went from where he started to where I needed him to be without much cohesiveness. It was just so .. .. .. random.
Suddenly he was talking about God's love. That God has put his righteousness on us and that he has given his love. And that we need to stop running around, trying to EARN love, trying to find it, and stop and look inside.

I think I had gotten sidetracked from my mission to do that. I had started to feel lonely and wanted someone - anyone - to love me. I was starting to consider dating, just to not be alone. I was falling weak and I hated it, but I was just getting sad.

I cried yesterday in church. I cried a lot. I prayed a lot. And I let myself open to His love and MY love for myself and the fullfillment that can give you. I left feeling renewed and I slept better last night than I have in a long, long time.

It is nice when you think that you just don't know what to do, when you are completely lost, and you hear, loud and clear, that you ARE NOT ALONE.

It's so nice to have that renewed stregnth and faith that I WILL BE OKAY.. .. ..