Friday, September 11, 2009

Life is Crazy!!

But good. =) I thought with the end of summer would come some relief from the constant go-go-go of life. Of course I was just kidding myself! Things seem to be just as busy or busier here on this end. Logan started Kindergarten and "it sucks" ... oh boy! He is adjusting "okay" though homework is a challenge and his overall enthusiasm with school is ... lacking to say the least. I knew this would be a challenge with Logan. Jonah liked school (though he too dislikes homework), but Logan is much more of a goof-off and enjoys the "funner" things in life. I think he'll do fine and his teacher says he is smart and CAN succeed, he just needs to focus a little more. Tell me something I DIDN'T know!!

Jonah is doing well back east. He likes school a lot and says "the girls are prettier". Lord help me. Apparently he has a crush on FIVE girls ... hmpf. I talked to him this weekend and we both cried. There are so many feelings I have on the situation... I am so proud of him for making such an adult decision and the right choice for him. My heart aches and I miss him so much though. And I feel guilt ... when people ask about my kids and I have to say I have two, but only one with me. For some reason I feel like a failure. I KNOW I am not, but people look at you like you had to have sucked as a parent for your child to not want to live with you ... and I do wonder a lot. I wonder if choices and behaviors in the past led him to this decision. He says not, but..... Bottom line, though, I am happy that he is happy. That is all a momma could want for her child....

As for ME.... busy!! Between Logan's soccer practice and games, my softball and soccer, Union Board, Credit Union Board, management training, AND my "regular" job ... I have been swamped and overwhelmed!! But it's good. Keeps me busy. I think these next two weekends will be busy, then things should slow down ... relatively.

I am also seeing someone new... I felt bad in a lot of ways that things couldn't work out for me and F, but they just couldn't. We started things out WAY wrong and those would be issues that wouldn't go away. And we're really two different people, at two different places in life.

A good friend had "a friend" that she connected me with. We have been talking a few weeks and things are going beyond amazing. We have a lot in common, with a good balance of our "own things". He has a great career, good goals, level head ... he is a parent too so he understands that responsibility and role. And he's really turning into an amazing friend and potential partner ... We both want to take things slow .... really get to know each other and build from a friendship up. Sometimes it's hard ... the heart runs faster than the logical mind. However we keep each other grounded and remind ourselves that each day is an opportunity to learn more and to know each other better. I won't lie though... I am very optimistic!!!

So there goes the days of my life ... Now off to another meeting!!! =)


Cyn said...

I have to agree with Jonah. I'm sure it had nothing to do with anything you did or do. He's at an age where boys (and girls for that matter) really need/want a father figure. As long as his dad isn't/wasn't an a$$ than of course he'd want/need some time to try that out. It just sucks that the two options are so far apart.

Try not to beat yourself up over it and really look at the bright sides of his choice. He still loves you and I'm sure misses you like crazy!

How's Logan dealing with him being gone?

Jenn.. .. .. said...

Thanks Cyn! Logan is doing ... Okay. He has a lot of good days, then he'll just crumble one day. He definitely misses him a lot, but we talk through it and work together, so it's getting easier. =) Still, that's his brother and best friend, so it's been a rough transition.

dar said...

Jenn you are not a failure. My best friend is a mom to three boys. After a grueling long marriage she finally got the nerve to leave. SHe is happier now more than ever. SHE was the mother and father all those years. But the oldest almost 16 decided he wanted to live with his dad in another state. hen this summer the middle son went to live with his dad. She felt like a failure too but instead of feeling that way look at it as you have been the mother/father all these years and change is good. Making the other parent be a RESPONSIBLE parent is what you are doing. Hang in there. I know it hurts but you are doing a great job and your son will appreciate you even more as a mother for EVERYTHING you have done for him.