Wednesday, December 3, 2008

What the heck??

I don't mind being attacked and confronted if I know WHY I am being attacked and confronted, know what I mean?? But an out-of-the-blue jumping is never fun. I had hoped that the ex and I had found a level of peace. The last contact we had was a "thanks for letting me see the kids"/"your welcome" messaging the other day. Nice enough on both ends, right? Then today I get bombarded with threats, hateful words, and mean spewings of hate .. .. .. what did I do??!! Seriously, I wish she would tell me something beyond "I hate you / I am done with you".

I guess it really doesn't matter what I did, perceived or real. I have always known that in her mind everything is my fault and I'm going to take the blame. She says that the boys can contact her, but she won't contact them and wants no contact with me. Honestly, it's better for us to not have contact, but it makes me sad she's writing off the boys. Honestly, I think it's too hard on her and -again - she's running away.

I told her I hope she finds peace, and I really hope she does. It seems her heart is still in turmoil and that she hasn't found what she claims she's looking for. I will always love and care about her and therefore hope that she can come to terms with what torments her and can live a healthy, happy life.

I miss her. I miss her friendship. But I won't miss these random attacks and I won't miss the blame game. I just wish it could be different. I wish that there wasn't so much anger and hate. I wish that 16 years of friendship wasn't being tossed aside.

But, wishes seldom come true, and it's time to let it go and move ahead.. .. ..

No comments: