Trust.. .. ..

Sometimes I forget that trust should be earned. I forget that, though I'd like to think differently, people are not by nature good. I don't mean that people are bad at the root, but that overall the society we live in is quite selfish. People look out for themselves, their own wants and needs, and what benefits them the most. Not that they are necessarily bad people, but they don't neccessarily deserve faith and trust without earning it.

I often give 100% trust until given reason to not. At least twice now this year that has been manipulated and violated. The first time was devestating and changed my entire life. I made a friend that I believed in, trusted, and shared way too much with. Those things were used against me and destroyed my family. For self-gain by the other party. Which, it seems, is the true human nature. Recently it seems another person I know has broken the trust that friendships were built on. This time the motivation still eludes me, but it's never for the betterment of others.

I don't understand how people do not comprehend that their choices effect way beyond themselves. That they don't understand the pain, devestation, and heartache they can cause others. There is no concience, no consequence, no remorse. How hard does a heart have to be to be able to do that??

Hmmm, reading that I almost have to laugh at myself. Just a few years ago others could say those things about me. I was selfish. I didn't think about the consequences for others of my actions. I was the one to not trust.. .. .. I hate admitting that, I hate knowing I was that person, but I made poor decisions that hurt others, that broke trust, that broke hearts.. .. ..

Does it come with age and maturity that we learn the consequences and become accountable to ourselves and our actions? Or do we have to feel the true sting and burn of betrayal to open our eyes and hearts and make the conviction to never do that to someone else?

I don't know when or why we get the "ah ha" moment and find our accountability. But I really wish that in doing so we would also gain the discernment to see in others their true heart and motivations. I have to wonder what the greater plan is. What lessons are meant to be learned.

I guess I will just continue to roll with the punches. Continue to try and discern good from bad. I don't want to be jaded, I don't want to be distrusting. I guess I just need to be more guarded, more protective, and less open and welcoming. I hate that, as I am an open person. I am trusting, I am welcoming.

It's so difficult to find the fine balance; so frustrating we have to.. .. ..