Thanksgiving.. .. ..

Thanksgiving was a good day. Overall-ish. LOL. The boys and I spent the day with my (ex) BIL and MIL. It's weird to call them 'ex' family when it never feels that way. Same as on Thanksgiving. My BIL was picking on me more again. He said "glad you're not pregnant anymore, I can pick on you again" lol. We had a ton of great food. Mom is a great cook and there is ALWAYS more than enough. BIL makes a killer ham. Yummy, yummy, yummy. LOL

Later that night I finally got the nerve to talk to them and lay it all out. My ex has threatened - over and over - to "tell them all the bad things I had done" to "make sure they'd hate me". I was so tired of the threats and so tired of secrets that I decided it was time to just lay it on the table.

So I did. I told them everything. All the mistakes I'd made, the mistakes we'd made. I held nothing back. Not suprisingly, they "knew" most of it, or had already figured as much. Mom was mad - at both me and the ex - for the mistakes and very poor judgments we had made. BIL felt the same way. BUT the unanimous decision was that I have been family for 8 years, we ALL make mistakes, and that's not going to change our family. It felt so good to have that confirmation. That support and love and that acceptance and forgivness. And, most importantly, it felt good to not have any secrets. To not have to hide anything. To not have anything held over my head anymore. And there is nothing now. It's just.. .. .. freeing!!!

On Friday Jo and I had a talk. He knew the ex was coming to town and he hadn't wanted to go see her b/c she was bringing the new g/f and he didn't want to see her. But the ex was making it pretty clear she wasn't going to leave the g/f to see the boys. Priorities, ya know? So, in the end, my boys - 11 and 4 - decided THEY would suck it up and they would go see the ex. So they went to see her on Saturday for a few hours. I was ubber frustrated for a few reasons. First, I messaged her on Friday to let her know she could get the boys on Saturday. Finally at 1:00 p.m. on Saturday I message her to ask her if she still wants the kids!! I was so irritated. To me, if she really wanted the kids she would have called/messaged earlier in the day and spent more time with them. Second, they went to the park. They all went to the park. It made me physically ill to know that douchebag of a girlfriend spent time with my kids. She has NO BUSINESS in their lives and I just hate her being with them. But oh well, what can I do. At least it will only be a few times a year AT THE VERY VERY MOST. UGH. The boys came home and said they had fun and asked if they could play their video games. They haven't said another word about it. Not a word. Honestly, it seems like they don't really care. I am not sure if it's reassuring or sad.. .. ..

But it is what it is.. .. .. I guess I am just thankful, at Thanksgiving, that I have them and they have me and we are family.