It just kinda hit me this week. I think I've been riding a high and this week it's all just mellowed down. I haven't lost my positive outlook, but I think I am reassessing. I think I wanted it all and wanted it NOW and am now realizing all good things come to those who wait. Corny? Yes. But true. It seems the more I want things, the more I try and rush things, the more screwed up they get. I have never been a very patient person, so learning to slow down and have faith is a challenge. I am also in a sticky situation with someone that is weighing heavily on me. It's an impossible situation, and I know I need to just step back and remove myself from potential pain, but it's easier said than done.
I am also tired of being nice and being used, yet I cannot muster the meanness to make it stop. So I continue to let it happen. My boys and I will be on the losing end, as always it seems lately, but at least I'll still have my self-respect. I made a promise and going back on it seems wrong. Though I have no legitimate reason to care. Unfortunately, the benefiting party(ies) have no conscience and no appreciation for it ... but that's not why we are nice and why we are decent people, right? As long as we can be at peace with our self.
And I hate hurting people, but I think I have to in one situation.. .. ..
And, well, sometimes I just feel worn out. Being a single mom is NOT easy and a break would be nice from time to time. But it's near impossible to get a sitter it seems. Don't get me wrong, I love the boys and love spending time with them, but a break from time to time is nice. Next weekend I get an afternoon/evening away. I will have to enjoy it to the fullest. LOL.
Anyways, I think this has maybe been my whiniest post yet. To top it off my cold isn't gone and I've been nauseated all day. (NO, I'm NOT pregnant, lol... ) And the wet, dreary weather doesn't help.
Good news is I'm going to Vegas in March!!! YEA, something to look forward to!!!
Until I'm in a better disposition.. .. ..
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1 comment:
Oh Jen, don't kid yourself! You've had way whinier posts! j/k
I wish there was a magic wand that I could wave and make everything perfect for you! Your right though, sometimes you have to let things evolve on their own and sometimes you really do have to put your foot down-regardless of the outcome.
I've never been a single mom, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Not much I can do to help there either-but I'm thinking of you and you're doing great!!
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