One sheep... two sheep... Not working, just blog...

Insomnia is still lingering (obviously, it's 1:15 a.m.) and that's driving me a little whack. Especially when I have a lot going on this weekend. We have t-ball at 9:00 a.m., the b-day party at 11:00, I need to straighten the house, and I have a date at 6:00. Sunday we are going to watch softball and head back to play in the park with Erica. So I need my sleep. And it's just not happening!! LOL

It was quite a week. In some ways it flew by, in some ways I thought it would never be over. Short work weeks are always a pain. Too much to do and not enough time. Today was a GREAT Friday though.

I got a lot accomplished at work for one. And when the boss needed a report he was stressed on I was on it and was able to extinguish the fire. So I actually had to work on a Friday (there oughtta be a law) but it was good!!

My softball game tonight was AWESOME. I played first, which I haven't done in awhile. I got a few good plays, made some good catches, and just LOVED being back there. I forgot how much I enjoy first base. Took me back to my days of fast-pitch... oh the memories. And my batting was "on" tonight so I had good hits. Winning was just the cherry on the sundae!

Afterwards a group of us went out to pizza. The kids ran around and played games and the grown-ups got to hang out and chat. I love the people I play ball with so it was an added bonus to have extra hang-out time with them.

About my date, before I get asked. Because I know I will be! LOL. I am so jazzed. I *think* I mentioned him earlier, too tired to go look. He messaged me Thursday with some small talk, then solidified the plans for Saturday (oh hell, tonight!!). It was so direct and ... I loved it. Just a simple, "Can I take you out to dinner Saturday?". He's picking me up at 6:00 and we'll go to dinner and who knows.... It's so exciting to go on a *date*. It's been fun talking to him and getting to know him too. We have found we have a lot in common. Oh and you know me and signs ... really weird one HE noticed ... our phone #'s have the same last 4 digits. So random and bizarre, right?? Anyways, I am pretty confident we'll enjoy each others company ... so far I have at least enjoyed his. Can't speak for him. LOL. We will see.. .. ..

Okay, going to go lay down and try again for sleep. I can't look dog-butt tired tomorrow night (agh, tonight!!) and yawn all evening. How horrible would that be??!! .. .. ..

Holy Heat

It was sooo hot tonight. It wouldn't have been bad if we'd been able to stay home and enjoy the AC. Nope, it was tball night. My shirt was soaked in sweat. Ew. And I so wanted to ditch (I know, so wrong of me), but there is only two weeks left AND it was our snack night. So we went and suffered through the heat. The poor kids were beat....

My friend, whose son plays with Logan, is getting her boobs done tomorrow. One one hand I'm jealous (mine have deflated SO much with the weight loss) and on the other I don't miss the backache. Her husband is super cool and we were talking about how he'd rather have a boat with the money ... I tended to agree. Haha. Plus, I figure the more he and I get along the less likely he is to give me a ticket (love the CHP). And the more likely he is to refer a friend. Hehe, scandalous I know.. .. ..

I am so happy tomorrow is Thursday. This week needs to be DONE. I am ready for the weekend and some R&R (yea right). OH CYN (b/c I know you faithfully read) ... Sunday we have no plans... Is C playing in Stockton on Sunday?? I want to come up and watch! And visit with you!! I miss seeing you!!

I am eagerly waiting for a call/text to confirm IF I have a date this weekend or not. I prefer to stay skeptical and be proved wrong (hopefully).

I did get a great compliment today. My "special friend" M (you know, the guy who disappeared on me ... yea, we're friends now) told me that I was very sexy and beautiful and a great catch. So I told him to find someone who wants all that and have them catch me!! ROFL. I know, I know, all in the right time....

OH and I need to brag!! Jonah is going to participate in a GATE summer school program before leaving this summer!! He was invited based on his testing scores!! I am so proud of him. I hope that when he moves they'll be able to challenge him there. I am sure they will, just worried. Having no control or input really irks me. Just have to hope Zach and Brandy will make sure it happens....

Okay, off to try and fall asleep again. NO idea where this insomnia is coming from but it sure needs to find its way GONE!!

Oh to know then what we know now.

My temper tantrum of my younger years is catching up to me. So... Jo is leaving in just a few weeks and Dad and I are figuring out all the logistics. One of which is medical insurance for Jo. Well in order for Z to add him to their insurance he needs a copy of the birth certificate, showing he's his dad. Oh, you know, the birth certificate that says "Father: Not Named". Nice. I didn't have him put on the birth certificate because I was 18 and pizzed off at him. So now the fun begins to change that. I went through THREE different departments, still with no answers to speak of. I *think* we have to go to court and have a judge order the change to the B.C. What a pain in the rump. Guess it's one of those great decisions of days ago back to bite my arse. UGH.

On a good note, I have a date this weekend. A real cutie from a store I frequent. He asked me out, and I am super jazzed about an upcoming DATE. = )

Oh and then I remember that tomorrow is T-Ball and guess who's snack night?? Yep, off to the store after work. So snack packs tonight (and pie), t-ball tomorrow, softball Friday, Presley's birthday Saturday, park with Erica at some point, my date ... and another week and weekend flying by!!

Calgon, take me away!!

Loooong (but awesome) weekend!

So my weekend started early on Thursday afternoon! Whoohoo!

Thursday night was the Fleetwood Mac concert. One word - AMAZING. It was a dream come true to see them live in concert. The show was so great. They played all the classics and some of their newer music. To see them together was priceless. Mary and I had such a great time, dancing and singing and having a ball!!

Friday we headed home and took the scenic route. We went by Casa de Fruta and I got some lovely fresh veggies and fruits. (oh the cherries! yum, going to bake a pie in a few!!). After getting home the boys and I just chilled around and hung out. Very low-key nice evening.

Saturday Logan and I went to a play date with Mary, her granddaughter Tatum (Logan's girlfriend), and Mary's niece and nephew. Our day was full with going to the park, swimming, and playing. That night we had a few friends over to watch the UFC fight... fun fun!! Jonah had an awesome day too! HE got to go with Uncle Richard and his cousins to the lake! They swam, roasted marshmallows, and fished. He was so excited and had such a good time.

Sunday both boys went to Uncle Richard's to spend the day with their cousins. I got to go to Sac to visit with two Jr. High friends, Kyla - who I went to Vegas with, and Rhea who I hadn't seen in YEARS!! It was a great lunch and visit. Rhea just moved back to San Jose so we'll get to spend more time together!! YEA!

Today the boys and grandma and I went to see Night at the Museum 2. It was a cute movie. It's always fun taking Logan to the movies. He's so animated and funny! They had a good time. Since then we've just been hanging out at home. We're headed to grandma's soon for dinner and visiting. Then, ugg, back to work tomorrow.

I swear, sometimes I need a weekend to recover from the weekend!! Okay, off to bake (attempt to) a pie!!!

One Last Thought (I hate insomnia.. .. .. )

I will say this. Regardless if I'm crazy or not for forgiving F, I am a better person for being with him ... for being with all the people I have talked to/dated. Each person has helped me learn a little more about me. Helped raise my awareness of who I am, what I want, and what I will and won't put up with. I am so much more independent than a year ago. I would have been CRUSHED (hell, I was) a year ago. I wouldn't have known how to go ahead *alone*. I am not afraid of being alone anymore. I am confident and comfortable with myself. Do I *want* to be alone?? No. But I am not a lesser person because I am. If nothing else I am proud that I don't need anyone else to be happy. Like my ex... will never be alone. Can't be. Doesn't know how to be. So bounce from relationship to relationship, having to prove love and stake claim to make sure there won't be any alone time. I'll tell you, spending this past year alone most of that time and really having to reflect has helped me grow so much. Though there have been times I just wanted to ball up and cry, I am a stronger person today for it. And I think that will make me more desirable and give me a healthier, happier relationship down the road. I have no need to force any relationship or hold on so tight. Because with or without someone else I will be ... and am ... okay. I think THAT'S why I am okay with what happened. I will not be broken or derailed. It's a bump in the road, and I pull myself up and dust myself off. I feel fortunate for that!! It's another test I have faced and passed.. .. ..

Oh one last thing tonight!!

TWO DAYS UNTIL MY CONCERT!!!

Fleetwood Mac here we come!!

Vote please.

So I am asking all my friends here to chime in on this for me. Leave me a comment and let me know what YOU think.. .. ..

SO I finally talked to F. Turns out, in his words, he is an ass. He was with me and his ex. He *says* he was back with her because he hated seeing her hurt. Yet he still picked fights to see me because he loves me and wanted to be with me... Long story short, we had a great talk, we are NOT together, but we are still friends and will be there for each other as support.. .. ..

So here is the way I look at things and feel about the situation.. .. ..

He made a bad decision. Doesn't make him a bad man. He has a lot of growing and maturing to do. For the last five years she's enabled him to be nothing and do nothing. His dad and I agree it's because as long as he lived like that he wouldn't leave her and that was her fear. He is insecure and has no faith in himself. He doesn't believe he's "worth it" or will succeed. That stems from ... a lot. However, I got to know him, the real him. He has a heart of gold and so much good in him. He can be a great man and make and reach goals. He just has to believe in himself and want to be that man. I know I can't make him do that or see that, but I do feel like I can be his friend and encourage him, which he doesn't get anywhere else, from anyone else. How good of a person would I be if I just turned my back on him and gave up on him, like everyone else has? So I chose to make myself available as his friend and offer my support to him.

Sooo, *I* think that it shows how much I have changed in the last year. Before I would have wanted to castrate him and send him international (that's my UPS drivers solution). But I don't feel any animosity at all. I forgave him before he asked for it. I feel compassion for him. I want us to be friends and I want to support him.

My friends say I'm much too good for him to have as a friend and that I shouldn't give him a second thought in any capacity. They say I'm much too nice and that I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. (though I don't see how... can't be more disappointed than I was....)

So, anyways, jury is out.. .. .. am I compassionate or stupid??!!