Gooooooooal!!

Okay, so no goals yet. But soccer practice was a blast. Logan really loves it and was mad when practice was over. He is a left-footer just like his momma! He has great ball control and really enjoys it. AND I got asked to help coach. Oh boy, this will be fun. Back at it tomorrow night.

His attitude was also a little better last night too. He worked on his homework better and finally remembered how to say "yes m'am" and please & thank you again. PROGRESS!!! So we'll see how the rest of the week goes.... Prayers welcome. xoxo

What a night.

Last night wasn't fun at all. Yesterday morning I woke up with a killer back ache, which I recognized immediately. Yep, a good ol' kidney infection. Sucks having only one good kidney. So off to the doctor I went ... confirmed and antibiotics prescribed. Today it's killing me and I need to send a report for the boss, but he's not in yet, and I'm not sure I can make it much longer. The report may need to wait until tomorrow, I think my bed is calling me...

Logan was a poop last night too. We went to get his soccer gear and he kept walking off. I don't know where he got the idea that he's the boss and in charge, but he's about to get knocked down a few pegs... and soon. When we got home I tried to get him to do him homework, which he fought me on. I finally just sent him to bed. Between the migraine that had developed, the kidney pain that makes it hurt to breath, and his attitude I was done. Apparently he was too, as he was asleep in less than 5 minutes. I just keep praying for peace and patience ... hopefully soon that will come.

My heart is so heavy today too. So much turmoil and uncertainty.

I really think it's just time to go home, take a pill (or two), and go back to sleep for a bit ... oh and the serial-killer-hunting-me-nightmares didn't help either.. .. .. **long sigh**

First "good" Monday in awhile....

Normally I dread Monday's. Not that I don't like work, I really do. I think it's just that life gets so routine and mundane. And I get restless and just want each week to be over and done with. So it was with great surprise that I woke up this morning and smiled. Happy that another week was starting and wondering what excitement this week would bring.

I am sure that has a lot to do with having a great weekend too. Friday after softball I went on a date, of sorts. We went out to a favorite hang out and had a few drinks, played around, and did a lot of laughing and smiling. It was such a low-key, relaxed, fun time. Much needed!! Saturday was a full day. That morning we had an American Cancer Society pancake breakfast to go to. Then Logan and I went with my friend to a birthday party. It was such a great time. I was nervous; meeting new people still puts me a little on edge, however I ended up being very much at ease and having a great time. Logan had a GREAT time with all the kids!! I was appreciative of that. With Jonah being gone I like to have him around other kids as much as possible... Yesterday was a perfect day. Soccer was great, though we had no subs, so it was also quite the workout. Then we took Logan swimming and headed home for a quiet night of XBox and snuggling. Overall it was just a perfect weekend.. .. ..

This week will be busy but much fun. Tonight we have to get Logan's soccer gear and tomorrow (and Thursday) are his practice nights. I must say, I am so excited to see him out there playing soccer!! I think he'll enjoy it a lot. Friday is softball, last regular game of the season. Then Saturday is opening day for Logan's soccer, and Sunday is another game for me. Things are definitely going to stay busy, but I love it. Life is too short to not enjoy it!!! xoxo

Wow, gooserbumps....

... Just when I start questioning myself. Hoping I am making the right decision, hoping following my heart won't be a big mistake again...


Jennifer got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...

... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging. That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish.

TGI School Time!

My baby is back home!! I missed both my kids sooo much. So so much. It is still hurting a lot that Jo isn't home and I miss him something awful. I talked to him Tuesday and he seems to be adjusting well. It was his second day of JR HIGH. He said he had met some people and was making friends. He's getting used to changing classes and dressing out for PE, which I think was the biggest shock for him. He was pretty held-together when he talked to me, but talking to Logan sent him over the edge and he cried a little. They are best friends, so they are both missing each other a lot. I am hoping it gets easier over time. I know that I have my good moments and bad. As long as Jo is happy, growing, and finding whatever he's looking for then I am happy for and supportive of him.

Now Logan ... Logan is being a pill!! A complete little butt. It's going to be a task to get him back in-line and behaving again. He thinks it's cute to talk back, whine, and throw a fit. So he has been spending a lot of time on time out in bed. It kills me because I just want to spend time with him; we have to get his attitude under control first though. He is very much the "give an inch, I'll take a mile" type personality, so I have to be vigilant to stop it before it gets to bad. I am sure he'll adjust back soon, just a challenge so far.

He does LOVE Kindergarten though and was excited to start and go back today. He says he likes his teacher. I asked what he learned yesterday and he said, "You know, letters, songs, and how to play on the playground... stuff like that." =) He is adorable. This after rolling his eyes that morning at the mom and girl crying good-byes. Mr. Independent!! I am waiting to see how the next few weeks go, but he seems to love it and be adjusting well so far.

This summer was full of traveling and changes for me. I thoroughly enjoyed all my visits. Ohio, Phoenix, and Los Angeles were a blast. Seeing old friends, developing stronger relationships with new friends ... such good times. Three tattoo's later, many memories, and many smiles brought me back home. And, yes, a roller coaster of emotions, relationships, and internal drama. Before I get called out on why I haven't posted in a month!! =)

I also got to see my surrobaby girl while I was in LA. Since I haven't seen the triplets since they were 5 days old it was completely surreal to see her! She is 8 months old, crawling, smiling, cooing, and 'talking'. I got to hold her, snuggle her, and experience her in her own family and life. I was so proud to have helped create her and so blessed to see her interacting with her family, who love her so immensely. What a wonderful experience it was to see a child you carried with such love growing into such an amazing child!! I will always be appreciative to M&J for allowing me to remain part of their family!!

So the summer is at a close now. And it's time for life to settle back down. Which I am quite appreciative for. I am so happy to have my little man home and look forward to seeing him grow and learn this year in his FIRST year of school. Work is going well and I still love going to work every day. I am playing softball and soccer and Logan is starting soccer next week!! Someone I care VERY deeply for from my past has resurfaced and we are building a strong friendship with the foundation for possibly a great relationship. So life is good. And I am happy and at peace.. .. ..

What else could a girl ask for?? xoxoxo

Busy busy busy....

This weekend went by entirely too fast. I have been non-stop since ... awhile!!

Thursday was a good day. I worked the farmers market during the evening, so I got out of the house and got some OT. YEA!! Afterwards a few of us went out for a few drinks. It was the first time I had hung-out with one of them and we had a great time. She's a people watcher (and commenter) too so that was a riot.

Friday night we had softball. Of course it was against the team that spanks us every time. They used to be in a higher league, but registration was down and only one league formed this season. So we got our spanking and then chilled out after the game for a bit. I went home and got ready to hang out with my friend Mandi. We have been friends since grade school, but don't seem to see each other nearly enough!! We had such a good evening though! We both made a promise to try and do it more often! No excuses!!

On the way home from there I messaged B.... Long story short, I went up to where he was staying and we had a nice long talk. Cliff's Notes: I am giving him another chance. He knows he was wrong, he knows I won't put up with it again, and he knows he has a good thing and better now blow it. That said, I didn't rearrange my weekend for him. I still kept all my plans and saw him around those things. He needed to know I was serious and that things aren't "all better" and completely healed!! So ... we'll see where that goes....

So anyways ... Saturday. I was so excited to get to meet my friend from Maryland!! She's doing a cross-country trip and stopped in Turlock to visit with me and another friend of ours. She was so absolutely genuine. Just like I've always known her to be!! We hung out around the pool (even through the rain ... yes, RAIN??!!). Then met some of T's friends and just hung out and laughed for a bit.

After that I headed back to town to a GTG with work folk. We ordered the UFC fights!! Whoohoo. The fights were good and a lot of fun. Good friends, good food, and good entertainment!! LOL. After that I headed to a friends birthday party. The bar he chose was a complete dive, so not much dancing or doing anything but watch over your shoulder. But it was his birthday and so we were there to celebrate with him.

Sunday was a great day, too. I will actually make a post of it's own for the highlight of the day ... SOCCER!! Yes, I am playing soccer again. After that I crashed out. Between the weekend and then the game I was just spent!!!

This week is another busy one ... I need to go see Momma Ardene and then Wednesday B is back for his grandma's funeral. Friday morning I fly out to Phoenix for the weekend!!! Whooohoooo!! I can't wait for my mini-vacation!!

So, yep, time to update I suppose ....

It's been quite an overwhelming week. I had an amazing visit with Nikki and her family. We had a great visit. Some of my favorite moments were sitting out back with the fire pit, just relaxing. Shopping was fun too ... nice to have girl time!! We also went to Kings Island, a really cool theme park. The roller coasters were awesome. It's been too long since doing that!! Overall it was just a super great visit. Very relaxing and much needed ... and a good distraction ...

... which, of course, was over when I got home Monday morning (2 a.m.). The house was so empty and quiet. And you can't miss the boys rooms. And I just crumbled. I miss my boys so very much. People say "It'll be so cool ... no kids for six weeks!!" Um, not really. I have never been away from Logan more than 3 days, so this was huge. We are on day 10 or something and I MISS him. Tomorrow is his 5th birthday, too, which just makes it harder. And Jo ... I can't even think about that. Ugh. I lost it when I put him on the plane. Just hysterical. I called my mom, begging her to tell me I was doing the right thing. I wanted to run down the tarmac and grab him and not let him go. He called me the other day, talking to me about how nervous he is. I wanted to tell him to come home, but I know he needed me to be strong and support him. So I did. I tell you, this is the most difficult, heart wrenching thing I have ever been through as a parent. I know I am doing the right thing for him, but ..... Anyways, I am sure it will get easier. Just counting the days until Logan comes home and at least ONE of my babies will be back....

Besides that I have been good. I was seeing B ... or talking I guess. He is flying down this weekend but I have asked him to make other arrangements than seeing me. He is a good guy with some insecurities and he takes them out on me. Dejavu bad and won't go back there again. I just cannot do that. So I'd rather be single than dealing with someone else's issues being projected to me. I feel bad, because I do care about him and think he's a sweet guy MOST of the time. But even the few bad times are too much for me to overlook, especially this early on. So I'll just be content to be single and see what comes along next.

So the daily bump and grind goes on and on ...

((Rereading this, it makes it seem that I am very down. I really am not. LOL. I feel good about life and where I am at. Just miss my boys. But life is still trudging along and I am still looking forward. Onward and upward always!!))