It's been quite an overwhelming week. I had an amazing visit with Nikki and her family. We had a great visit. Some of my favorite moments were sitting out back with the fire pit, just relaxing. Shopping was fun too ... nice to have girl time!! We also went to Kings Island, a really cool theme park. The roller coasters were awesome. It's been too long since doing that!! Overall it was just a super great visit. Very relaxing and much needed ... and a good distraction ...
... which, of course, was over when I got home Monday morning (2 a.m.). The house was so empty and quiet. And you can't miss the boys rooms. And I just crumbled. I miss my boys so very much. People say "It'll be so cool ... no kids for six weeks!!" Um, not really. I have never been away from Logan more than 3 days, so this was huge. We are on day 10 or something and I MISS him. Tomorrow is his 5th birthday, too, which just makes it harder. And Jo ... I can't even think about that. Ugh. I lost it when I put him on the plane. Just hysterical. I called my mom, begging her to tell me I was doing the right thing. I wanted to run down the tarmac and grab him and not let him go. He called me the other day, talking to me about how nervous he is. I wanted to tell him to come home, but I know he needed me to be strong and support him. So I did. I tell you, this is the most difficult, heart wrenching thing I have ever been through as a parent. I know I am doing the right thing for him, but ..... Anyways, I am sure it will get easier. Just counting the days until Logan comes home and at least ONE of my babies will be back....
Besides that I have been good. I was seeing B ... or talking I guess. He is flying down this weekend but I have asked him to make other arrangements than seeing me. He is a good guy with some insecurities and he takes them out on me. Dejavu bad and won't go back there again. I just cannot do that. So I'd rather be single than dealing with someone else's issues being projected to me. I feel bad, because I do care about him and think he's a sweet guy MOST of the time. But even the few bad times are too much for me to overlook, especially this early on. So I'll just be content to be single and see what comes along next.
So the daily bump and grind goes on and on ...
((Rereading this, it makes it seem that I am very down. I really am not. LOL. I feel good about life and where I am at. Just miss my boys. But life is still trudging along and I am still looking forward. Onward and upward always!!))
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2 comments:
Way to go STRONG woman!!
I did not hear the same 'very down' sound that some of your old posts have had (when you're feeling down about yourself). I heard you missing your boys-which is TOTALLY understandable!!
Just remember while you're trying to be strong and supportive for J, that you don't let him think he's not missed either. Kids are funny about how they interpret things.
You're doing GREAT!!
Jenn ~
I didn't feel your post was down. It's just reality for the moment. And you're right, it is better to be alone then let someone's else's issues bring clutter to your life. You need better right now. You deserve better.
Take care.
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