So my weekend started early on Thursday afternoon! Whoohoo!
Thursday night was the Fleetwood Mac concert. One word - AMAZING. It was a dream come true to see them live in concert. The show was so great. They played all the classics and some of their newer music. To see them together was priceless. Mary and I had such a great time, dancing and singing and having a ball!!
Friday we headed home and took the scenic route. We went by Casa de Fruta and I got some lovely fresh veggies and fruits. (oh the cherries! yum, going to bake a pie in a few!!). After getting home the boys and I just chilled around and hung out. Very low-key nice evening.
Saturday Logan and I went to a play date with Mary, her granddaughter Tatum (Logan's girlfriend), and Mary's niece and nephew. Our day was full with going to the park, swimming, and playing. That night we had a few friends over to watch the UFC fight... fun fun!! Jonah had an awesome day too! HE got to go with Uncle Richard and his cousins to the lake! They swam, roasted marshmallows, and fished. He was so excited and had such a good time.
Sunday both boys went to Uncle Richard's to spend the day with their cousins. I got to go to Sac to visit with two Jr. High friends, Kyla - who I went to Vegas with, and Rhea who I hadn't seen in YEARS!! It was a great lunch and visit. Rhea just moved back to San Jose so we'll get to spend more time together!! YEA!
Today the boys and grandma and I went to see Night at the Museum 2. It was a cute movie. It's always fun taking Logan to the movies. He's so animated and funny! They had a good time. Since then we've just been hanging out at home. We're headed to grandma's soon for dinner and visiting. Then, ugg, back to work tomorrow.
I swear, sometimes I need a weekend to recover from the weekend!! Okay, off to bake (attempt to) a pie!!!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
One Last Thought (I hate insomnia.. .. .. )
I will say this. Regardless if I'm crazy or not for forgiving F, I am a better person for being with him ... for being with all the people I have talked to/dated. Each person has helped me learn a little more about me. Helped raise my awareness of who I am, what I want, and what I will and won't put up with. I am so much more independent than a year ago. I would have been CRUSHED (hell, I was) a year ago. I wouldn't have known how to go ahead *alone*. I am not afraid of being alone anymore. I am confident and comfortable with myself. Do I *want* to be alone?? No. But I am not a lesser person because I am. If nothing else I am proud that I don't need anyone else to be happy. Like my ex... will never be alone. Can't be. Doesn't know how to be. So bounce from relationship to relationship, having to prove love and stake claim to make sure there won't be any alone time. I'll tell you, spending this past year alone most of that time and really having to reflect has helped me grow so much. Though there have been times I just wanted to ball up and cry, I am a stronger person today for it. And I think that will make me more desirable and give me a healthier, happier relationship down the road. I have no need to force any relationship or hold on so tight. Because with or without someone else I will be ... and am ... okay. I think THAT'S why I am okay with what happened. I will not be broken or derailed. It's a bump in the road, and I pull myself up and dust myself off. I feel fortunate for that!! It's another test I have faced and passed.. .. ..
Vote please.
So I am asking all my friends here to chime in on this for me. Leave me a comment and let me know what YOU think.. .. ..
SO I finally talked to F. Turns out, in his words, he is an ass. He was with me and his ex. He *says* he was back with her because he hated seeing her hurt. Yet he still picked fights to see me because he loves me and wanted to be with me... Long story short, we had a great talk, we are NOT together, but we are still friends and will be there for each other as support.. .. ..
So here is the way I look at things and feel about the situation.. .. ..
He made a bad decision. Doesn't make him a bad man. He has a lot of growing and maturing to do. For the last five years she's enabled him to be nothing and do nothing. His dad and I agree it's because as long as he lived like that he wouldn't leave her and that was her fear. He is insecure and has no faith in himself. He doesn't believe he's "worth it" or will succeed. That stems from ... a lot. However, I got to know him, the real him. He has a heart of gold and so much good in him. He can be a great man and make and reach goals. He just has to believe in himself and want to be that man. I know I can't make him do that or see that, but I do feel like I can be his friend and encourage him, which he doesn't get anywhere else, from anyone else. How good of a person would I be if I just turned my back on him and gave up on him, like everyone else has? So I chose to make myself available as his friend and offer my support to him.
Sooo, *I* think that it shows how much I have changed in the last year. Before I would have wanted to castrate him and send him international (that's my UPS drivers solution). But I don't feel any animosity at all. I forgave him before he asked for it. I feel compassion for him. I want us to be friends and I want to support him.
My friends say I'm much too good for him to have as a friend and that I shouldn't give him a second thought in any capacity. They say I'm much too nice and that I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. (though I don't see how... can't be more disappointed than I was....)
So, anyways, jury is out.. .. .. am I compassionate or stupid??!!
SO I finally talked to F. Turns out, in his words, he is an ass. He was with me and his ex. He *says* he was back with her because he hated seeing her hurt. Yet he still picked fights to see me because he loves me and wanted to be with me... Long story short, we had a great talk, we are NOT together, but we are still friends and will be there for each other as support.. .. ..
So here is the way I look at things and feel about the situation.. .. ..
He made a bad decision. Doesn't make him a bad man. He has a lot of growing and maturing to do. For the last five years she's enabled him to be nothing and do nothing. His dad and I agree it's because as long as he lived like that he wouldn't leave her and that was her fear. He is insecure and has no faith in himself. He doesn't believe he's "worth it" or will succeed. That stems from ... a lot. However, I got to know him, the real him. He has a heart of gold and so much good in him. He can be a great man and make and reach goals. He just has to believe in himself and want to be that man. I know I can't make him do that or see that, but I do feel like I can be his friend and encourage him, which he doesn't get anywhere else, from anyone else. How good of a person would I be if I just turned my back on him and gave up on him, like everyone else has? So I chose to make myself available as his friend and offer my support to him.
Sooo, *I* think that it shows how much I have changed in the last year. Before I would have wanted to castrate him and send him international (that's my UPS drivers solution). But I don't feel any animosity at all. I forgave him before he asked for it. I feel compassion for him. I want us to be friends and I want to support him.
My friends say I'm much too good for him to have as a friend and that I shouldn't give him a second thought in any capacity. They say I'm much too nice and that I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. (though I don't see how... can't be more disappointed than I was....)
So, anyways, jury is out.. .. .. am I compassionate or stupid??!!
Happy Birthday!!
Today marks two years since the triplets were born!!! It's still surreal to me that I carried three little babies into this world all at once. Carrying triplets was one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences. I will forever appreciate the love and support of my ex, my kids, and my friends through a trying yet amazing time. Though I don't hear from their family anymore I will forever hold them all close to my heart and be appreciative of the journey we had. Happy birthday D, P, and S!!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Lazy Weekend and More Confussion
This weekend I did my best to do very little. Friday night was busy. I played ball then helped friends move. Saturday was more help with moving, after t-ball. Logan is now hitting the ball WITHOUT the T most of the time!! So exciting. It was so flippin' hot I felt like I would wilt though. UGH. Sunday was my wilt day. I laid on the couch 90% of the day!! I did get some laundry done and cleaned up a bit around the house, but for the most part I just vegged. I took a nap which was more than needed and I just allowed myself to sulk and rest all day.
Today is the start of a new week and it started with more dizzying questions and information. One of F's good friends called me asking "What the hell is going on??" Apparently F's ex called him yesterday screaming at him for ??being my friend??.. .. .. He said he had no idea any of this supposed stuff was going on and confirmed she was lying at least about part of it. No one has heard from F, so until then there's just more questions.
Even though I know she's a whack and lying about some of it I still don't feel okay with the situation. It's much more drama than I want or need. But it would be nice to hear him out.. .. .. If I hear from him.
Anyways, I am looking forward to this week. It's going to be ubber busy though. Tonight is t-ball, tomorrow cleaning, Wednesday a little gtg, Thursday is the Fleetwood Mac concert (whoooohooooo), and then back to the weekend. I am thinking about going to LA for the weekend, but still not sure. I'm so tired, we'll see how I feel at the end of the week. I might just want to hide out again. LOL. We'll see how the week goes.. .. ..
Today is the start of a new week and it started with more dizzying questions and information. One of F's good friends called me asking "What the hell is going on??" Apparently F's ex called him yesterday screaming at him for ??being my friend??.. .. .. He said he had no idea any of this supposed stuff was going on and confirmed she was lying at least about part of it. No one has heard from F, so until then there's just more questions.
Even though I know she's a whack and lying about some of it I still don't feel okay with the situation. It's much more drama than I want or need. But it would be nice to hear him out.. .. .. If I hear from him.
Anyways, I am looking forward to this week. It's going to be ubber busy though. Tonight is t-ball, tomorrow cleaning, Wednesday a little gtg, Thursday is the Fleetwood Mac concert (whoooohooooo), and then back to the weekend. I am thinking about going to LA for the weekend, but still not sure. I'm so tired, we'll see how I feel at the end of the week. I might just want to hide out again. LOL. We'll see how the week goes.. .. ..
Friday, May 15, 2009
Better Today
I think the initial shock of it all has worn off. I am still a little perplexed but not as angry or sad or whatever. I swept through the emotions pretty quickly I think so I wonder if they'll ebb back up on me again soon or not.
The only think I hope for is an apology or some sort of explanation. I think I deserve at least that. Whether I will get it or not ... who knows.
I do feel awful sad today for F and his family. Last night was the viewing, today is the funeral, and tomorrow they spread her ashes. I cannot imagine the pain and grief they are experiencing.
I am quite angry his ex - or current - or whatever - girlfriend would confront him with all this crap while he is there dealing with this. I think it definitely shows her selfishness and immaturity. Sure, if this is what's going on he needs to be held accountable, but there needs to be some tact about it all.
I really don't hate him and I'm not all that mad. If being with her is what he wants, that's fine. I just wish I had been afforded the truth and not been lied to. I still will allow him to talk to me and hear him out, if that's even what he wants. But I cannot trust him and will not have this kind of drama in my life.
It hit me last night the irony of it all. Exactly this time last year my partner was running off with someone else. Now it's happening again. Note to self, don't let this become an annual pattern.. .. ..
I think I'm just going to stop looking and caring for a bit. They say when you do that then it all falls in your lap. I can hope I guess. I really, really, just want to be a wife and mother and share my life with someone. But I guess it's all in His time and I just need to be patient and have faith. So that's what I think I'll do. Easier said than done, but much easier than hurting.. .. ..
The only think I hope for is an apology or some sort of explanation. I think I deserve at least that. Whether I will get it or not ... who knows.
I do feel awful sad today for F and his family. Last night was the viewing, today is the funeral, and tomorrow they spread her ashes. I cannot imagine the pain and grief they are experiencing.
I am quite angry his ex - or current - or whatever - girlfriend would confront him with all this crap while he is there dealing with this. I think it definitely shows her selfishness and immaturity. Sure, if this is what's going on he needs to be held accountable, but there needs to be some tact about it all.
I really don't hate him and I'm not all that mad. If being with her is what he wants, that's fine. I just wish I had been afforded the truth and not been lied to. I still will allow him to talk to me and hear him out, if that's even what he wants. But I cannot trust him and will not have this kind of drama in my life.
It hit me last night the irony of it all. Exactly this time last year my partner was running off with someone else. Now it's happening again. Note to self, don't let this become an annual pattern.. .. ..
I think I'm just going to stop looking and caring for a bit. They say when you do that then it all falls in your lap. I can hope I guess. I really, really, just want to be a wife and mother and share my life with someone. But I guess it's all in His time and I just need to be patient and have faith. So that's what I think I'll do. Easier said than done, but much easier than hurting.. .. ..
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