My Chinese New Year

Seems to be accurate so far. This is not going to be my year.. .. ..

First, there IS good news this week. My very close friend is going to be a mom. Her babies were created this week and her surrogate will become pregnant with them on Sunday. I am so happy for her, as this has been a long journey for them and they so deserve all the blessings this world has to offer. And, second, I heard from the couple I worked with in my last surrogate journey. Today my surroprincess is three months old!! And, health permitting, I will get to see her this coming Thursday! YEA! Something to look forward to!!

So that's the good, here's the rest.. .. ..

.. .. .. the mono panel came back positive-ish. I have ebstein-barr virus, which apparently most of the population has. It's not active, though, so I had mono at some point in my past, but no telling when. I will probably never have another flare up, according to the doctor, but I'll always be a carrier. Hmmm. My iron levels are still low, so back on prenatals to try and help that situation out. My periods are off and whacky and not happening, so back off the birth control and just letting my body regulate. And praying in doing so I don't get cysts again. And just when I was starting to feel better my allergies kick in. So I feel relatively well, but from all the coughing I have NO voice. UGH. My doctor is also concerned about my weight and wants me to eat more protiens and breakfast. Breakfast... what's that??!! So he gave me a diet plan to follow. I swear, I am coming up on 30 and breaking down along the way!!

The dating situation.. .. .. I just throw my hands up. Seriously. I *thought* things were going well and then don't hear from him for a week. Not a text, call, pm, nothing. Whatever. I am not even going to try and understand. I think that single-for-life sounds more and more enticing every day. I am definitely done looking or caring for awhile. Too exhausting. That said, I really like said guy. So if he came back with a good explaination, I'd probably work through it. Hmpf.

Still nothing on the house front. And it's just so frustrating I can't think about it or I'll cry.. .. ..

And more than anything else this week I wanted to be in Ohio. For my best friend. For a loss she had to endure that no one should. And it crushed my heart because I couldn't be there for her. Logistically I just couldn't. Had I been able to work something out with the boys I would have been on the next plane. I even looked at tickets. SO, one, I feel like a horrible friend because I wasn't there. And, two, I feel horrible because my friend is hurting so bad and there isn't a thing I can do about it. Not a damn thing and that kills me. She has done so much for me and been there for me through the toughest of times. And I can't do anything for her now. I am not there (though I SHOULD be) and I can't find the right words to say or things to do. I feel so helpless and I just want to comfort her and reassure her that things will get better. I hate it for her. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

My doctor asked me if I was depressed or stressed and I said I didn't think so. But, obviously that's why I was ignoring my blog. Because now, writing it out, I am crying. I just want to crawl under my blankets and hide and sleep for a week ... or two ... maybe three. I am so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I am spent. I am not even wishing for everything to be all better anymore ... just an end in sight would be nice.. .. ..