Wow....

Didn't realize it had been so long since I posted. Holy crimeny. Life has been flying by at a much faster pace than I would like. So much going on, the days and weeks seem to just zoom by.

Things have changed so much since my last post. Of course they have, if not it wouldn't be *my* life. Nothing bad all all, just changed.

N and I are no longer dating. This was 100% my choice and not because I don't care about him and not because I wasn't happy. I really WAS happy. There were just a few issues or differences in us that I could not ignore. In the past I would have easily swept them under the carpet and ignored them or, worse yet, pretended I could fix them. I am not that person anymore. I won't allow myself to be in a situation where I have lied to myself to try and make things right because I don't want to fail or don't want to be alone.

I had a really good talk with N and expressed my concerns on the few areas that we don't mesh on. Though it was hard for both of us, he too recognized that they were big issues and neither he or I were going to change those things any time soon. So, instead of drag the relationship on and lose a friendship in the end, we ended things and are maintaining our friendship. It is somewhat hard. I still care very much for him; I never disliked him. So it's the first time I've amicably broke up with someone with maturity and honesty ... it's just different. His daughter and I are still friends too, which means a lot to me. I think once the initial adjustment is over we'll be good and can be more friends again. Just takes time to heal.

As I said, it hurt to end things and especially hurt him. I know it was the right thing to do though. And I am proud I have grown so much that I COULD do it.

Other than that life has just been crazy busy. I have no idea where the days and weeks are going. Too fast, that's for sure.

Logan's soccer finally finished so that's one less thing to do. My softball ends next week, and soccer has only 3 weeks left. Until January then it all starts back again. Logan is struggling with school and, more than anything, missing his brother immensely. It breaks my heart and I wish so much there was something more I could do for him to help him through.

Jonah is good. He has been having issues with lying and hiding school stuff from him dad. Nothing that he hasn't done before; frustrating and upsetting nonetheless. His dad and I talk and try to figure out the best way to handle things. Is there a "right" answer though?? I guess if so we'd all have it figured out!

You know what strikes me most ... with life being crazy, some big disappointments lately, being single again, the stress of the upcoming holidays ... I am really happy. I cannot complain about much and what I think I can really isn't worth complaining about. I have great friends who surround me with love, support, and distractions. I have two kids that love me and I love so much. Besides the annoying ex (THE ex, to clarify), being sick, and not knowing 'what's next', I am doing dang good. I really never thought I'd be able to say that and mean it for this long running. Hmpf, maybe I have grown up and maybe things ARE looking up.. .. .. TTFN.. .. ..